Guinness Black Lager Refreshing & Flavorful Ad

Apparently, according to the YouTube video for this commercial, this ad is over six months old already, but tonight is the first time I've ever seen it. This spot asks the age-old question that has stumped mankind for millennia: "What happens when a beer tastes both refreshing and flavorful?" (This is an odd way of phrasing it, as I would have thought refreshing was a feeling, rather than the way something tastes, but whatever. I would have replaced the word "tastes" with "is". Or maybe they're trying to say that this beer merely tastes refreshing, but it is not, in actuality, refreshing per-se. But perhaps if I'm analyzing the word choice and sentence structure of a beer ad's copy, I'm over-thinking it.) Well, whilst I was left in the grip of panic that the world might actually come to an end, we are then shown what supposedly really does happen, and it's clear from what we're shown, it's pretty much the same thing that happens whenever someone bites into a York Peppermint Patty: their pupil gets really dilated,* like they're on LSD or ecstasy, or maybe after an all-night binge of coke-fiendery; they get chills, and they get bumps all over, like they've got chicken skin or something; and then all their body hair stands on-end, like they've just seen a ghost or something. (In fact, it looks like they've just stolen the footage directly out of one of those recent York Peppermint Patty commercials and edited it right into this Guinness ad. But I'm sure they wouldn't do that, now would they?) And it's especially odd, since this stuff generally occurs when someone has a sensation other than taste; or so I would think, anyway. But hey, this is a TV commercial, and I'm sure they wouldn't say this is what happens if it wasn't true. Right?

But this scenario worries me a little bit. So are we to understand that in addition to getting us drunk, this beer will also dilate our pupils severely, so we'll look like we're also on illegal drugs? And what about all that chicken skin bump stuff and the hair all standing on-end? Won't we look like we're on angel dust or something with all of these symptoms? And then won't everyone at the bar or party think we're a crazy, raving, dangerous drug addict? Or will everyone else be experiencing the same intense sensations, so they won't notice? Well, just in case, you'd better make sure everyone at this gathering, wherever you are, is also drinking this Guinness Black Lager, or else you might develop a really bad reputation!

But you know, maybe Guinness is trying to market this new line of lager to drug addicts and stuff as a way to mitigate the jonesing feelings. (Or maybe to York Peppermint Patty enthusiasts!) And in that case, this might be a smart route to take. Except that after one swig, they'll probably find out that this ad's claims are perhaps a bit on the bogus side, and then they'll know never to buy it again in the future. (And that's why ad claims should always be as truthful as possible! If people try the product, but they find the claims don't hold up, they might just make a mental note of it and never buy stuff from that company ever again.)

Here's this silly Guinness spot where you'll "get the sensation" that you've seen it all before somewhere:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jq8Bkgrh_Lg

And here's one of the York Peppermint Patty ads where a very similar scenario is played out (In fact, it's so similar, it's really quite astounding! But her pupil gets smaller, not bigger, so I guess it's not all exactly the same.):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CzcxM6u7ey0

* Actually, with a York Peppermint Patty, one's pupil apparently becomes constricted, not dilated. And from what I understand, that's a whole different classification of drugs that does that, so maybe it really is different!

Allegra Before & After Ad

This commercial shows people in black & white complaining about how life sucked before they started taking Allegra, and then it switches to full, vivid color for how super awesome life has become since they started taking Allegra. Allegra is apparently some allergy medicine, so this approach, while visually striking, I would tend to think is not particularly appropriate for an advertisement for this product. Instead, this black & white drab before becoming a vivid full-color and enthusiastic after seems like a wonderful concept for an antidepressant ad campaign. That way it would show how life was drab and colorless before they took the drug, when they were in the depths of depression, but after taking the drug, it would show how their life has woken up and become bright and cheerful. See what I mean?

But for allergies, I would think a different approach would work better. How about this?: Show a dog-lover who likes gardening look at their flowers, and the flowers morph into scary monsters via CGI, and then their dog turns into a vicious werewolf beast, and the music turns to horror movie music, etc., and then the actor/actress could say that their horrible allergies turned their favorite things (like flowers, pets, etc.) into oppressive, scary things. But now that they use Allegra, it has broken the spell and turned the threatening things back into beautiful flowers and loving, cute animals, etc. I think this would work far better for an allergy medication. (Has this idea been done before? I don't believe I have seen it.)

I'm sorry, but I can't find this commercial anywhere except for on the Allegra website on the ads page (It's called: "Architect" if you'd care to seek it out.), but this page has a glitch on it where it tries to play the audio for all the clips at once, and it's very annoying, so I'm not including a link here. But it's just b&w shots turning into color, etc., so you can imagine what it looks like pretty easily. (It basically looks like an ad for an antidepressant.)

Hyundai Azera Modern Life Oscars Ad

Oh, my God! Is this a covert North Korean plot to destroy America? Has the People's Democratic Republic of Korea sent an agent to infiltrate Hyundai, so that they would develop and market a car in America that is so comfortable, it will addict all women to spend all their time in the car, destroying the American family unit? That must be their evil plot, to keep mothers away from their children so all American children will starve to death out in the streets, or else kill themselves in accidents doing risky activities that their dads will approve, but that moms would know was too dangerous for children to engage in! And with a car this comfortable, all women will avoid men completely, and America will have no more children for a whole generation (assuming the car is well-built and reliable, and lasts for years); and so hobbled, we will fall to the Communist threat from overseas! You know it's true: Wake up America!

Or maybe it's just a nice car; I don't know... (You decide: here's the ad which could indicate a mortal threat to our nation's future!):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uDMHmgWGir8

Just to be on the safe side, I say we must develop a counter-espionage strategy of addiction-treatment programs specifically designed to counteract this dangerous dependency-developing automobile before it can corrupt our nation's unsuspecting women! Who's with me?

Heinz Ketchup Anticipation (Joke) Ad

Hey, we all know about how Heinz used to use the fact that their thick, rich ketchup took forever to pour out of the bottle as a plus, and then used the Carly Simon song: "Anticipation" to help drive this point home. Well, maybe with an analogy, they could make us identify even further with this anticipation experience. Because after all, some of us know the anticipatory ecstasy that fills our hearts while we hold the bottle of ketchup up over our hamburger for ten minutes without getting any ketchup, only to have it all unexpectedly dump out at once onto our burger and cover it all up like Vesuvius did to Pompeii; but some of us are not familiar with this, one of the most pleasurable things in this life; and for them, they need to be shown an analogy to other wonderful waiting-related joyful experiences so they can process the blissful euphoria that is waiting for the ketchup to start flowing.

So here's what I would suggest: Why not show someone in another, easily-relatable waiting-oriented experience, just so they can then associate it with the ketchup thing, and it could really get their mouths watering! So how about this? Show a long line of people waiting in the DMV to get their driver's license renewed, and they're waiting there all day, bored out of their minds. Oh, but this is no ordinary DMV, and they are in actuality not there to renew their driver's licenses, but rather, they're all waiting with hamburgers in their hands to get some ketchup! (Or maybe some of them could be waiting with French fries.) And so by the time they get up to where they're dispensing the ketchup, their burgers or fries are all cold and stuff, and everyone has a miserable experience, um, I mean, a wonderful time! And so then everyone could relate to how awesome it is to wait all day for your ketchup to come out of the bottle! Right? Oh, and they could play that Carly Simon song: "Anticipation", and when she sings: "It's making me wait", they could show that there are armed guards at the DMV preventing anyone from leaving (!). So waiting for the Heinz ketchup is mandatory!

Oh, but I guess if they did that armed guards thing, competing brands of catsup could make ads accusing Heinz of kidnapping and false imprisonment by "making (people) wait" for their ketchup all day. And then they could show people wasting away in tiny prison cells, and say that waiting for the Heinz ketchup to start flowing is like being condemned to an eternity in some prison hell-hole purgatory, where some monstrously maniacal jailbird will make you his "bitch". And if only you had used Hunt's catsup, then you would have been spared such a hellish experience! (Oh, but here's an old ad for Hunt's catsup that shows a whole other kind of bizarro nightmare world you'll be condemned to if you eat their catsup):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WW9PdERK2No

And apparently, if you keep Hunt's catsup around your house for long, you get infested with giant vermin, like this (Help! Call Orkin! {Just kidding!}):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8wYV_0qp26E&feature=related

And here's a really fun blog post about ketchup & art:

http://blogs.artinfo.com/lacmonfire/2011/01/23/hunt-for-the-best-ketchup-and-pop-art/

Samsung Galaxy Note Demo Ad

This is essentially a silent ad, using only an instrumental musical score (not my favorite music, but you can't please everyone), and showing everything they want to say as either displayed on the tablet, or in what are essentially inter titles (as seen in a silent movie). Watching this spot isn't my favorite media experience, but as an advertisement for and demo of the Samsung Galaxy Note smartphone, it's basically perfect. It shows you what it can do, and why you might want one, and it does so in a way that lets even those who have pressed the mute button get the message. (I have written before about how most people I know hit the mute button during the ads, and for this reason, all ads these days should really consider this reality, and try to make their ads such that they can be understood either with or without the sound. But with the sound on ought to be better!) And that's just smart advertising for nowadays. Plus, this demo is done very well, and designed nicely so as to be very colorful and visually attractive while showing the phone's functionality at the same time. And that's just good advertising! (I think it's pretty similar to one of the iPhone ads, where it's just a person's finger pressing the touch screen to make stuff happen in real time; only that iPhone ad is even better, I think, at communicating its message and making people see why they might want to get an iPhone; but that's probably because the smartphone was new then, and so the ad seemed so groundbreaking and original. And I think that iPhone ad probably inspired this one for the Samsung phone. You know, kind of like how the iPhone probably, shall we say, "inspired" the Samsung phone.)

Here's the simply yet sophisticated smartphone spot:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aN9LCARJyfw

Under Armory: Under Armour's Concealed-Carry Clothing Line

Last night on The Colbert Report, Stephen Colbert was talking about clothing companies that are working on lines of concealed-weapons-carrying clothing, and he mentioned that Under Armour is doing this. And this immediately made me think that if Under Armour is going to sell a line of these clothes, they should call them the "Under Armory" line (demonstrating that you can have an armory underneath your clothes!). Then their logo could be the same, except for in that little empty space between the intersecting arcs (where the "A" and the "U" meet), they could have a gun, demonstrating in their logo how you can conceal firearms inside their stuff.

(And then they could have ads that say their concealed weapons clothes are so ridiculously comfortable, you'll forget you're even packing! Then they could show some guy getting arrested at the airport TSA for trying to smuggle guns into the airport, and he could say: "No! I wasn't trying to smuggle guns in! It's just that these Under Armory clothes are so comfortable, I forgot I even had an army's-worth of guns on me! I swear!" And then he'd get sent to Gitmo. Or would that be a better ad for demonstrating why you wouldn't want to wear these clothes?)

Here's the Under Armour website (their logo is in that red box in the center of the top of the page):

http://www.underarmour.com/shop/us/en/

Ultrabook He-Man (Proposed/Joke) Ad

Yesterday I wrote about a new kung fu teahouse ad for Ultrabook, where two ladies are fighting over a power outlet for their laptops. While fighting each other, one of the women says to the other: "Relinquish the power to me!", or some such thing, and that brought some silly ideas to mind. Back when I was young, there was some cartoon character called "He-Man", and he used to raise his sword aloft and say: "By the power of Greyskull!" And that would transform him from his normal personage into He-Man (who looked exactly the same as he did before, but with different clothes that kind of looked like the recent incarnation of the American Gladiators or something), and he would then shout: "I have the power!!"

Well, I was thinking that another ad for this Ultrabook could have He-Man and Skeletor fighting over a power outlet in Castle Greyskull for "the power of Greyskull", and whoever won could scream: "I have the power!!" And then after this whole rigmarole, the camera would cut to She-Ra, sitting and working on her Ultrabook, and she could say: "You guys are so stupid. Why don't you just stop fighting over the power and get an Ultrabook? It's got gobs of battery life, so you'll have the power with you all the time!" Then an announcer could say something like: "With battery life that seems eternal, Ultrabook is perfect for Eternia!"

Anyway, I thought that would be a fun ad for the Ultrabook, using the same selling point and messaging strategy as the kung fu ad. Although somehow my idea seems more likely to be seen as a sketch on Robot Chicken than as an actual commercial for a real product.

Here's the Wikipedia page for He-Man, for those who are not familiar with him-man:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/He-Man

And here he is transforming into He-Man (sorry it looks so crappy and artifact-y):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C2qAbL1dPiY

And here he is transforming along with She-Ra (She does it for the honor of Greyskull {rather than by the power of Greyskull, like He-Man does}, because she knows that power corrupts, and absolute power corrupts absolutely. So it won't be long before He-Man becomes horribly corrupted by all that unbridled he-man power! And that must be what happened to Skeletor!):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p9Y-JiRUIoI

And here's that Ultrabook teahouse kung fu throwdown ad:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z1KBppDI9ok