Messi Messy Burger Ad (Joke/Proposed)

During this World Cup, we've seen the big soccer stars in lots of ads for lots of things, but I'm simply shocked we haven't seen this (joke/proposed) ad for a burger joint like Carl's Jr.:

Lionel Messi is eating a particularly messy hamburger out in public, and so a woman tells her boyfriend: "Wow, that's messy!" And so the guy looks, and it's Lionel Messi, and he goes: "Oh, my God! It is Messi! I can't believe it!" And his girlfriend says: "Yeah, I told you it was. What's the big deal?" Then the announcer tells us how yummy these messy burgers are, and we'll all feel special when we eat one, or the burger has star quality, or whatever.

This idea is frankly so obvious, I can only think Messi has nixed it. But who knows, maybe it's too obvious, so nobody suggested it.

New Flomax Ad Slogan?

We all know the expression: "Easy Peasy", right? And we also all know that Flomax is a drug that helps older men go pee. And so, how about the following ad slogan for Flomax:

Flomax: Easy Pee-sy (or: Easy Pee: See?)

(Jokes make people remember things really well. But the joke has to be about the product or the need for the product: if a joke in an ad doesn't make you remember the product, then it's a wasted ad. I know not everyone agrees with this point, but it's true nonetheless.)

The FURminator Ad Song?

The FURminator is a special brush for helping to eliminate the shedding of pet fur.

I cat sit for my sister when she and her family go on vacation, and boy, do they ever shed a lot! So I find myself singing songs about cat-related things while caring for them. And this time, I was singing about shedding fur.

So here's my FURminator anti-shedding ad song (to the tune of the Sesame Street theme song):

Fuzzy days,
Keeping the cats away,
'Cause they shed so much fur every day,
Can you tell me how to get,
How to get the shedding to cease?
How to get the shedding to cease.

(And then the ad would tell you how the FURminator can help end shedding problems.)

This is the FURminator website:

http://www.furminator.com

(BTW: I'd be willing to bet more people know the tune of the Sesame Street theme song than any other tune in America. But they probably wouldn't let anyone use it, either. {Unless: Hey, maybe there could be furry Muppets in the ad, and they're complaining about each others' hair. That might be fun!})

Toothpaste "Children of the Hydra's Teeth" Ad (Joke/Proposed)

Jason and the Argonauts is on TCM this evening, and there's a couple of wonderful scenes with a hydra, and then with the hydra's teeth becoming skeletons and fighting Jason and his cohorts. But I was thinking that this might make a fun ad for toothpaste, where the hydra is killed, and the teeth of the hydra are collected, but because the hydra didn't take care of its teeth, they're all rotten, and no skeletons are produced. Then the king of Colchis says: "Damn. I should have brushed the hydra's teeth!" And so Jason gets away with the Golden Fleece, and all because the hydra didn't use (whatever brand of) toothpaste. The End.

Gatorade Luis Suarez Ad (With Proposed New Slogan & Campaign)

Gatorade has a World Cup ad campaign already, but I have a new slogan for Gatorade I think would work well for them, and to demonstrate, I'll use it in a Luis Suarez ad. The slogan is: "Gatorade: Get Your Bite Back" (because there is "gator" in the name Gatorade).

But this isn't a joke ad (okay, maybe a little bit...), because Luis Suarez is not only infamous for the bite foul against Italy in the 2014 World Cup, he's also one of the top five strikers in the world: that's why Barcelona went ahead and signed him up despite the long match ban for the bite.

So in this ad for Gatorade, we would see Luis Suarez playing a soccer game, but he's missing the goal, and he's getting tired. So during a water break, he drinks some Gatorade, and he "gets his bite back", and we see this as his energy is renewed to get the deadly accuracy that lets him score the winning goal. And then the slogan is: "Gatorade: Get Your Bite Back". (And that would be a good metaphor for the killer instincts of an athlete, but also an inside joke about Suarez's World Cup bite foul.)

Of course, "bite" doesn't have to be literal; it could also mean 'edge', or 'energy'. And so: "Gatorade: Get Your Bite Back" (because Gatorade helps restore important minerals and nutrients lost through sweat) could work well as a slogan for Gatorade in a serious way.

And this could easily be extended into an ad campaign for Gatorade using soccer, Luis Suarez, and the alligator metaphors (in addition to: "Get Your Bite Back"), like so:

We'd see Luis Suarez in games playing for Barcelona, and he'd be doing what is described by the phrases: "Be cold-blooded" (and he's being ruthless to get the ball at all costs), "Bide your time" (and we see him waiting), and "Strike unexpectedly" (or "Strike silently") (and we see him get a thread-in ball in the box and score, catching everyone by surprise). And then the slogan would be: "Gatorade: Get Your Bite Back." And all of these quotes relate to alligators, and Gatorade has "gator" in the name (named after the Florida Gators football team, as it was developed and tested there with them), and these ideas would make us all think of 'gators, which would remind us of Gatorade. (I mean, if you had a product called "Gatorade", why wouldn't you do everything you could to make people think "Gator"?)

The last World Cup, Luis Suarez was hated by tons of people for batting the ball out of the goal with his hand, for which he was red-carded. I think he did the biting thing knowing he'd get a lot of attention, which he did. And it didn't hurt him much, either. (We're in a The King of Comedy world, people: no publicity is bad publicity!) And since he really is so good, and also because he is so well-known now, I think it would make sense to use him in such a campaign as I lay out here.

Taptop

Microsoft is advertising their new Surface as: "the tablet that can replace your laptop." Well, to get this idea across better, they might want to call it the: "Taptop" (Tablet + Laptop = Taptop), or at least refer to it as such in their ad campaign, like so: "The Surface: Microsoft's new Taptop: the tablet to replace your laptop."

It's just a suggestion; but I think people would remember that pretty well.

Adidas World Cup Protest Ad?

Adidas World Cup ads have shown plenty of soccer plays and players, but without including the protests, they're not really being accurately inclusive enough to use their slogan: "Adidas: All In or Nothing." If they're going to say "all in" about the World Cup, then they really ought to include the protests, don't you think? (Otherwise it's not really "all in", is it?)

So here's a potential Adidas ad for the World Cup protests. (Think of how many more shoes they could sell to protesters if they make an ad about the World Cup protests!)

We see a tense confrontation between protesters and riot police in Brazil, with protesters wearing bandanas and Guy Fawkes masks throwing rocks and bottles and molotov cocktails at police wearing riot gear and gas masks and brandishing batons and shields. Combat erupts between the lines, and members of both sides are knocked to the ground and injured. This scene plays out just like an action movie, shot as closeups of faces, and then medium shots from the waist up. Then the camera cuts to their feet: we see shots of the protesters' feet, and they're wearing Adidas sneakers and tennis shoes; and then we cut to the riot police's feet, and they're wearing Adidas combat boots (or riot police boots with the Adidas three stripes on them). Then the slogan appears: "Adidas: All In or Nothing."