Halliburton PR Name Change?

Halliburton is back in the news again with a lawsuit over the allegedly faulty cement job for the oil well that spilled so much oil into the Gulf of Mexico a few short years back. And every time we hear the name Halliburton again, at least for all the people I know anyway, we all think of them as that company that got all the crony no-bid contracts during the Iraq War. In fact, it has been suggested on more than one occasion by people on the TV set that the whole purpose of the Iraq War was simply to give Halliburton lots of blank check government contracts, since Dick Cheney was the head of Halliburton before he became the vice president. (Perhaps Mr. Cheney took the “vice” part of “vice president” a little too literally?)

But remember Blackwater? They changed their name to Xe, and ever since then, we’ve barely heard of Blackwater at all. So I think maybe Halliburton could use the same kind of image makeover a new name can help create. But Xe is so obtuse-sounding, everyone might forget it, even people who want mercenary services, so what I think Halliburton really needs is a new name, but one that reminds us of the old company, and with something nice and pretty to help distract us from the old yucky stuff that would turn us off and make us think badly of them. And I think I’ve got just the name for them, too: HalleBerryton.

Yes, just think of it: Halliburton becomes HalleBerryton, and all of a sudden we’re thinking of the beautiful and talented Halle Berry. We might remember some unsavory things about Halliburton we don’t like, but then it would be drowned out by the image of Halle Berry’s smiling face and her sexy bikini body. And then we’d welcome HalleBerryton to town whenever they propose to screw up the cement on whatever oil well they want!

And, naturally, their new logo would be a picture of Halle Berry's smiling face, like so:

http://s9.com/celebritybios/wp-content/uploads/2014/02/Halle-Berry-1.jpg

Auntie Maim

Hey, how about a horror movie version of Auntie Mame, where she's a flamboyant psychotic torture killer? She could make her nephew assist her in all her misdeeds, and that way he can't rat her out, because he's up to his neck in everything too. And then her nephew could turn out to be someone like Dexter, after all of this traumatic experience with torture and murder, not to mention disposing of all the bodies, and we could have a whole new serial killer movie channel series for everyone to enjoy (like Dexter), all thanks to Auntie Maim.

Pot Panic H.R. Pufnstuf Ad?

There are plenty of people who are against the legalization of pot, so when can we expect to see political attack ads against pot using pop culture characters? And for such a purpose, who would work better than H.R. Pufnstuf? His name sounds like the act of smoking weed!

So what the ad could do is show how marijuana is a gateway drug, and how it leads to worse and worse things, ruining your life, and showing this happen to H.R. Pufnstuf, like so:

H.R. Pufnstuf: For when he smokes pot
H.R. Hufnstuf: For when he moves on to huffing inhalants like paint and cleaning products
H.R. Snifnstuf: For when he graduates to snorting cocaine and crystal meth
H.R. Stufnstuf: For when he starts stuffing pills down his throat and needles in his arms
H.R. Snufitstuf: For when he overdoses on drugs
H.R. Stifnstuf: For when he's dead from drug use

See kids? If you smoke pot, you'll end up just like H.R. Pufnstuf: a dead fictional character!

(BTW: I am for pot legalization, even though I don't like the stuff myself; but you cannot ignore the risks after what it did to such an innocent, lovable character as H.R. Pufnstuf!)

Match.com "The Matrix" Ad (Joke/Proposed)

Morpheus is seeking 'The One', so he goes to Match.com, and he finds and meets Keanu Reeves, and then we see Keanu Reeves mastering Kung Fu, and then he does all the amazing stuff against Agent Smith at the end of The Matrix, and we see Morpheus say: "He is 'The One'!" And then the announcer says: "Match.com will help you find 'The One'."

Match.com "Lord of the Rings" (Joke) Ad

We see the beginning of The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King, and Deagol finds the ring, and he and Smeagol fight over it, leading to Smeagol killing Deagol, after which Smeagol admires the ring, looking as if he's in a delirium, saying: "My precious!" Then the announcer chimes in, telling us: "Match.com will help you find your precious!"

The Great Band-Aid Rip-Off (Proposed Ad for Band-Aids)

In this proposed ad for Band-Aids, we see the title, as if the ballyhooed title for an exploitation movie: "The Great Band-Aid Rip-Off!" And then we cut to a bathroom, where a little kid has a Band-Aid on that needs to be removed, but he's scared to pull it off. So his mother says they're going to rip it off together in 3, 2, 1... (And there is great pathos, suspense, and gnashing of teeth.) And then they tear the Band-Aid off. But because it's a Band-Aid, with its special design, it doesn't hurt when it's removed like other stick-on bandages. So the announcer says that ripping off a Band-Aid is no big deal, and that's great!

Boynton Halloween Card?

When I was in school, there were Boynton cards for practically all occasions, like Birthdays, greetings, etc., and most of them had cute drawings of animals on them, with the ideas tied to the animals. But I wonder: did she ever make a Halloween card? She could have had it say: "Moo Hoo Ha Ha!" (<Your standard generic villainous cartoon evil laugh sound.) And there could be three animals making the sounds: "Moo" from a cow, "Hoo" from an owl, and "Ha Ha" from a laughing hyena. And the three animals would be standing there next to each other to sound out your Halloween greeting.