Static Guard Star Trek Ad (Joke/Proposed)

In a joke on Star Trek, a hamper of clean laundry is floating through space when it’s attacked by the Static Klingons. On the bridge of the Static Klingon ship, we see the captain order his crew to charge up the static ray gun, and then the Static Klingon ship shoots lightning at the hamper of clothes, making them all stick together, trapped in a web of static electricity. But then the Enterprise shows up and frees the laundry with Static Guard.

Cell Phone Haunted Cell Phone Horror Movie Ad (Proposed)

A haunted cell phone is driving a young woman crazy, endlessly ringing and tormenting her with texts and calls from a vicious supernatural demonic entity. It accosts her so much, she screams every time the phone rings or vibrates. Just then, we hear the landline telephone in her home ring, and at first she screams, but then, realizing it’s a different phone, with great trepidation she answers it, and it turns out to be a marketing call from a mobile phone company offering her a new special deal on a smartphone data plan. Annoyed with the telephone solicitation, she almost hangs up, but just before she slams the phone down, she realizes that this could be the solution to her problems. So she signs up with the company, and she throws her old haunted cell phone out the window and into a river where it short-circuits and sinks into the water and muddy bottom of the river, never to return. Then she smiles and sighs with relief, and the announcer chimes in, saying: “Haunted by your cell phone contract? Break free of the horror, with a new smartphone plan from (whatever cell phone company)!”

Fitbit Competitors

NagTag: The tag you wear that has an annoying voice to loudly nag and scream at you whenever you try to relax.

Fatbat: A bat you use to beat on and chase around overweight people in order to make them get up and run and exercise.

Shock Sock: The electrically charged socks that electrocute you when you remain seated for too long, making you jump up and run around from the pain.

RunGun: A gun you use to threaten out of shape people with so they will run away from you and get much needed exercise.

Jog Clogs: The clogs you strap onto your feet that contain small pins inside the soles of the clogs, which spring up and jab the soles of your feet, causing you to jump up and down and run around from the pain, getting healthful exercise in the process.

Viagra Ad Placement Oddity

In reading the news today online I was interested to see that an article about Jared (from the Subway ads) and his sex crime stuff was festooned with an ad for Viagra. No, I’m not joking, and if Google didn’t always remove my snapshot images making fun of internet ad blunders, I’d gladly share my snapshot with you. But rest assured it happened this afternoon, and I have the image to prove it if anyone tries to deny it.

I think maybe there’s some dumb program that randomly plunks ads into internet news articles, because I see this stuff all the time. I try to share it here, but within 48 hours the image is always replaced with a small square with a question mark in it, so eventually I gave up. Internet experts I know claim that since Google makes its money from advertising, and I often make fun of advertising screw-ups, they probably simply take them down to avoid offending their bread and butter. (It makes sense to me, but it’s still frustrating, as it’s just as fair-usey and fair-gamey as everything else on Blogger, for God’s sake!)

By now I thought there would be some algorithm to dictate what ads were not appropriate, like not putting boner pill ads in articles about child molestation or rape, or desserts/fast food in articles about childhood obesity, etc.

They’ve probably fixed this by now, but here’s the story (the Viagra ad was just beneath the video of Jared holding the jeans, to the right of the text):

http://news.yahoo.com/tv-report-ex-subway-pitchman-admit-child-porn-054612244--finance.html

And here's the image while it lasts:

Chap Stick “El Chap Sticko” (Joke) Ad

Inspired by Suzy Chaffee’s 1970s Chap Stick ad campaign where she changed her name to Suzy Chapstick, as well as by the possibility of dropping off the radar of investigators, notorious drug lord El Chapo has decided to change his name to “El Chap Sticko”. Unfortunately, the upcoming ad campaign he’s making for Chap Stick (where he states: “Escape to freedom from chapped lips as easily as I escape from Mexican prisons, with Chap Stick! Take it from me, El Chap Sticko! I like it so much, I changed my name!”) will reveal his new name to the world, putting the heat right back on him. But this time the heat will be more comfortable, because when it chaps his lips, he’ll have plenty of Chap Stick to soothe them.

Here’s Suzy Chaffee Becoming Suzy Chapstick:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ev7DHWG7wsY

Crest Whitestrips “White Tooth Privilege” Ad (Joke/Proposed)

We all know there’s a lot of talk about white privilege, and it might be fun to make a joke on this hot button issue in an ad for a tooth whitener. These ads like to show people with whiter teeth getting more attention and better opportunities due to their whiter teeth than do those with yellower teeth. And so they could refer to this as: “White Tooth Privilege”, and we could see two girls smile at a group of guys, and the guys all notice and socialize with the one with the whiter teeth while ignoring the one with the yellower teeth. Then we’d see someone with yellow teeth on a job interview, and they finish and leave, and someone else with bright white teeth comes in to interview next, and we see them get the job because of their whiter smile. Then the announcer says: “Get ‘White Tooth Privilege’, with Crest Whitestrips.

(BTW: This is obviously intended to be silly, not offensive. I just can’t help but think of this stuff when I see ads for tooth-whitening products, as news people often talk about white privilege on TV these days, and sometimes a Crest Whitestrips ad comes on right afterwards showing people with whiter teeth being treated better and getting better things.)

Crispy Crypt Cereal

Just in time for Halloween, it’s Crispy Crypt Cereal: coffin-shaped cereal with marshmallow skulls and headstones in a cardboard casket box! Start your mourning out fresh with Crispy Crypt Cereal! Bury it in milk and dig it up with a spoon for that freshly exhumed flavor every time! Put your hunger six feet under with Crispy Crypt Cereal! (Fortified with formaldehyde!)

(The name could also be: Crypt Crisp Cereal)