Pirate Toys

I remember when the Pirates of the Caribbean movies were big, and the toys were all over the place. My niece, who was in early elementary school at the time, loved those movies, so I bought her a Jack Sparrow action figure. And one day she was playing with it, and a pirate ship her father had built for her, and she held the Jack Sparrow doll in one hand and a Ken doll in the other hands, and she said, for the Jack Sparrow doll (to the Ken doll): “I’m going to kill you and steal all your treasure! Kill, kill, kill!” And like little kids do, she took the Jack Sparrow doll and used it to hit the Ken doll. Her mother and I saw her do this, and I said to her mother: “You know, I’m not sure this pirate thing is teaching her good values.”

Jurassic World Logo Hypocrisy?

In Jurassic World, Bryce Dallas Howard dresses down some employee for wearing a Jurassic Park t-shirt, saying it’s in bad taste. But her theme park is using the same T-Rex skeleton in a circle logo as from Jurassic Park, with only the background color changed from red to blue, and they’re still using the name: “Jurassic (Something).” Um, hypocrite, much?

Mercedes “Jurassic World” Ad (Proposed)

When I saw Jurassic World, I joked about how Mercedes cars didn’t keep people safe from being killed by dinosaurs, so maybe not the best product placement. But now I think this could be turned into a positive ad for Mercedes. All they’d have to do is show scenes from the movie and say: “Okay, maybe Mercedes can’t keep you safe from all dinosaur attacks. But for everything else, we’ve got you covered.”

Jurassic World Dinosaur Gel Caps

When I saw Jurassic World for the first time, and I saw those little clear gyrosphere balls those kids were riding around in, I thought: “Mmm! An annoying kid dinosaur gel cap!” It’s like a vitamin for dinosaurs. I can see the ads now:

Hey dinosaurs! Get the Jurassic World Annoying Kid Dinosaur Gel Caps! It’s all the nutrition you’d get from eating annoying kids, but without smelling all that Axe Body Spray and soiled clothes, and without having to hear that crappy music they’re listening to! Just swallow the gel cap whole, and it will melt in your stomach lining, releasing all that nutrition right into your system! Don’t wait; order yours today! (I think genetically modified dinosaurs are intelligent enough to order products, right?)

(BTW: I love kids, and I don’t think they’re all annoying. But the kids in the Jurassic Park movie franchise certainly are. They always deserve to be eaten, and by their own actions, and they get away with every wrong thing they do unscathed. What a bad example that sets: you can get away with breaking all the rules and doing the most dangerous, irresponsible things in any theme park, and if you’re annoying or cute enough, you’ll be fine, live, and get away with it all. What a horrible example to children! Once we get a real dinosaur theme park, all the kids will get eaten by breaking all the safety rules and thinking they’re invincible because of the movie plots.)

Don’t Text and Drive Driving Deer PSA

I Just saw the best PSA! It was some guy texting and walking in front of a moving car on the road in the woods somewhere, and the car has to slam on the brakes. Then it turns out the drivers of the car are deer. The deer look at each other and shake their heads, and the guy looks up at them and runs away. Then other young people run across the road in front of the car, all of them staring at their cell phones, and text appears saying: “Don’t text when on the road. It’s not safe for the deer… or humans.”

Yes, you see, because people usually drive into deer in such situations. (“That’s a joke, son,” as Foghron Leghron would say.)

That’s one great, fun ad! The best I’ve seen in a while, concept-wise. But will it make an impression like the dead victims’ last text spots did? I don’t know, but it sure is more fun to watch than those were.

Here’s the truly brilliant texting spot:

http://www.ispot.tv/ad/7ciC/nhtsa-stop-texts-driving-deer

Reading “Evil Dead” (Joke) PSA

We see Ash reading from the Necronomicon (from the series Ash Vs. Evil Dead), and then we see the evil forces travelling through the woods (from The Evil Dead), and then we see people being possessed, and all kinds of blood being spilled, and the announcer says: “Reading is fun! It opens up whole new worlds for you to enter!” Then, as a tag, we see the vortex opening up at the end of Evil Dead II and sucking Ash into it, with him screaming all the way. And then the announcer says: “The Ad Council says: Let reading possess you!”

Mr. Carson Viagra (Joke) Ad

In the Season 6 opener of Downton Abbey, Mrs. Hughes is worried that she may not look as hot as she used to for the bedroom, so she asks Mrs. Patmore to ask Mr. Carson if he expects a full marriage, including sex, and he says yes. And as a joke ad for Viagra, he could add: “You see, I just got this new prescription for Viagra, and I’d like to try it out.”

Then, as a tag, Mrs. Hughes would be seen hugging Mr. Carson, and she would say: “I said it was me, but I was afraid it might be you who would disappoint. But now that you have Viagra, I know neither of us will be disappointed.”