AT&T Led Zeppelin Ad (Proposed)

I don’t know if anyone has done this before, because when cell phones were new, I didn’t own a television set. I played in bands and wrote music all the time, and I did leather work on outfits for my bands (hot rod flames and band logos, not bondage stuff). But it seems to me the current ad campaign for AT&T, claiming the fewest number of dropped calls, would work the best with the Led Zeppelin song: “Communication Breakdown” playing in the background while frustrated, angry people abuse their cell phones after it dropped a critically important call, like a job offer, the first: “I love you” of a couple, someone who needs to be picked up before he/she can give their location, and stuff like that.

I think it’s very unlikely that anyone does not know this song. The part they should use mostly would be the chorus and the guitar solo.

Here’s the Led Zeppelin song: “Communication Breakdown” (check out that wonderfully fuzzy guitar solo!):

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qoqQnR8NOVI

When I was in elementary school, my favorite band was Led Zeppelin. I remember wishing someone would play them on the radio, but nobody ever did. So I bought all their albums with grass cutting money and burned myself out on them playing it all the time. And then they started getting radio airplay.

I remember when I was in college, a friend of mine said everything on the radio was Led Zeppelin, and I told him I have never heard them on the radio except for the Kasey Kasem top 100 of the 1970s, and “Stairway to Heaven” won as number one, even though it’s not a radio friendly song, being so long as it is. So my friend turned on his stereo, switched to the tuner, and then he said: “Led Zeppelin”, and hit his first present, and it was playing: “When the Levee Breaks”; then he said: “Led Zeppelin”, and hit his second preset, and it was playing: “Immigrant Song”, and then he said: “Led Zeppelin”, hit his third preset, and it was playing: “Whole Lotta Love”, and then he said: “Led Zeppelin”, hit his fourth preset, and it was playing: “Communication Breakdown”. I swear this happened just like I just said it did, in that song order, and I’ll never forget it as long as I live.

LED Light Bulbs Galactus Ad (Proposed)

We see Galactus, the great Marvel Comics cosmic super villain, flying through space towards the Earth, and he’s saying to himself: “Most Earth creatures don’t know it, but I made a secret deal with the Fantastic Four that if the human race ever destroyed themselves through their foolishness, I could consume their planet. Well, it’s probably about time now, with all their carbon emissions, and those light bulbs they use. Surely the planet will me mine by now!” But as Galactus arrives at Earth, he realizes his trip was in vain, saying: “Wait! They were using incandescent light bulbs the last time I was here! Surely that should have destroyed them by now! But what do I see? They’re now all using LED light bulbs that save energy! Now I will never get to consume the delicious Earth! No-o-o-o-o-o-o!”

And as a tag, the Silver Surfer could fly up to Galactus and tell him that humans on Earth now care about their environment, and now he will never get to consume the planet Earth. And Galactus says: “You have betrayed me again for the last time!” And the Silver Surfer says: “No, I haven’t. There’s a way more scrumptious planet waiting for you just beyond this solar system! And with no burnt smoky flavor to ruin your enjoyment!” And Galactus says: “I knew you were a loyal herald all along. Come, point me at this tasty morsel!” And they fly off together.

This is Galactus and the Silver Surfer, his herald:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Galactus

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Silver_Surfer

http://marvellegends.net/MW/MW01/PackagedGalactus.jpg

Silly Blasphemy Song

Rosemary’s Baby was on Epix tonight, and it reminded me of this sketch I wrote once long ago, intended for Robot Chicken, using the Bee Gees’ song: “Tragedy”, with some Roman Catholic guy accusing Martin Luther of blasphemy and heresy, and while there’s lots more, here’s the best part (based on the song’s first two choruses):

Blasphemy!

When the teaching’s wrong and you can’t go on,

It’s heresy!

When you worship wrong and your God gets mad,

It’s hard to pray,

With no one to guide you you’re going to hell.

Blasphemy,

When you shirk control and you lose your soul,

It’s blasphemy,

Through your mourning cries you still don’t know why,

It’s hard to pray,

With no one to guide you you’re going to hell.

Here’s the Bee Gees song: “Tragedy” (the part I’m referring to begins at around 1:04):

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SPcsMMEMbfw

Phillips’ Colon Health G.I. Joe Ad (Joke/Proposed)

In this joke/proposed ad for Phillips’ Colon Health aimed at men, G.I. Joe is the spokesman, saying: “I used to be Government Issue Joe, but now that I’m older and retired from the U.S. Army, I’m Gastro-Intestinal Joe, here to help you get the healthy G.I. tract you need to be a healthy, regular Joe, with Phillips’ Colon Health. (Etc.)”

Numb Master Metallica Ad (Joke/Proposed)

I just posted a joke/proposed as for Nupercainal (or for Recticare, if you prefer) using the song: “Rock You Like a Hurricane” by the Scorpions. And in researching these products, I found one called Numb Master, and that made me think of the great Metallica song: “Master of Puppets”, but using new lyrics as an ad song for Numb Master (can you imagine a guy dressed up as a container of Numb Master headbanging with a bunch of metalheads and singing the following?):

Apply Numb Master!

Numb Master!

Master of numbness I’m numbing your pain,

Helping to numb that which drives you insane,

Just apply me and you won’t feel a thing,

Just call my name when you want to scream,

Numb Master!

Numb Master!

Just apply me, you won’t feel a thing,

Numb Master!

Numb Master!

(I don’t know: maybe the metalhead guys got burned by standing too close to the pyrotechnics at a concert, or else maybe their necks hurt from headbanging too much or something, or maybe one got burned and the others have sore necks, so they need Numb Master.)

Here’s: “Master of Puppets” by Metallica (The chorus part I’m referring to begins at around 1:44):

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xnKhsTXoKCI

(The scenario in the ad could be a bunch of middle aged guys who go see a heavy metal band they loved when they were younger {like Metallica, for example}, but at their age, they can't headbang like they used to, so they hurt themselves, etc., and so they need Numb Master.)

Nupercainal Scorpions Ad (Joke/Proposed)

Two people, a woman in her 40s and a man in his 50s, talk at their office at work. The woman asks the man if he’s enjoying their new project, and he says he wishes he was, but his hemorrhoids are driving him crazy and he needs relief from the burning, stinging and itching. Just then, we hear the guitar part to the song: “Rock You Like a Hurricane” by the Scorpions, and in walks a man dressed up in a man-sized costume of a tube of the hemorrhoid medication Nupercainal and playing a white Flying V guitar, playing the song, and singing an altered version of the chorus: “Here I am! Numb you like a dibucaine! Here I am! Numb you with some dibucaine!” And the man says: “Oh, thank Goodness you’ve come! I feel better already just knowing you’re here!”

Here’s “Rock You Like a Hurricane” by the Scorpions (The chorus part starts at about 1:06, and this ad would use the guitar intro and then straight into the chorus):

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CGfKi6kpdTQ

(BTW: This would also work equally well as an ad for Recticare by simply changing the costume into a tube of Recticare, and changing the word: “dibucaine” to: “lidocaine”.)

Anal Fissure Treatment Ad (Proposed)

After writing about a Preparation H commercial, I did some research online, and I found out about anal fissures. There’s got to be some medicine for that someone’s trying to sell, right? So I thought up an ad for a product for that purpose.

A man goes to a doctor about his anal fissures, and he tells the doctor that everyone calls him: “The Fissure King” because he has so many fissures. Then, during the exam, he tells the doctor about his fissures. The one on the top he calls: “Carrie Fissure”, the one on the bottom he calls: “Bobby Fissure”, and one on the side he calls: “Isla Fissure”. Then he gets some smaller ones sometimes he calls: “The Fissuremen”.

So his doctor recommends the product the ad is for, and the next time he sees his doctor he tells him all the fissures have gone away. But, he says, he kind of misses Carrie Fissure, as he’s an avid Star Wars fan.