Time Magazine’s 100% Devaluation

In reading a story from Time Magazine tonight, I noticed that the author claimed when a currency was devalued 100%, that meant all of a sudden 1,000 units were only worth 10 units. Well, actually, it means it’s completely worthless, regardless of the amount, so the statement that 1,000 is now worth 10 is in reality accurate, because both 1,000 of them and 10 of them are worth the same amount: 0. Maybe this is what the writer meant all along, and he just wanted to see if we were paying attention, and then smart enough to figure out his logic problem. That’s probably it, since Time Magazine wouldn’t just publish brain farts, now would they?

There is however, another, simpler explanation for this oversight, or error, or whatever you’d like to refer to it as: This is what happens when you don’t bother to hire a copy editor: You end up looking stupid. But this article was on the internet, linked through Yahoo! News, and that’s how I saw it. I read it, laughed heartily at the simple math mistake, figured out how it could still be a true statement nonetheless (due to both amounts being worth zero, so technically, he could have said 1,000 was now worth 10 or 1,000,000,000, because when they have no value, it doesn’t matter how many you have, they’re still worth the same amount: zero), and looked down at the comments section to see what people would make of it. Well, some people caught it, and they commented on it. And that’s when it hit me: This must be the new, high-tech method of copy editing!

Here’s what I mean: Most publishers, in order to save money, have gotten rid of copy editor positions, trusting that the writers will fix all their own mistakes with spell-check, etc. But the truth is, most writers miss their own copy editing mistakes until after they’ve published their work. I think it’s because they’re too close to the writing: They know what it’s supposed to say, so they see it saying that, and they simply fail to see the mistakes. Anyone who reads this blog regularly knows I make plenty of errors, too. I fix them when I find them, but without a separate person to copy edit for you, your writing will be riddled with errors; that’s just the way it is. And believe me, while I miss a lot of my own copy editing errors, I immediately see the ones in others’ writing.

So by publishing an article online first, before it’s put into print in a paper magazine, they can simply look at the comments section to find out all their errors, for readers will catch them and make fun of them. So in this way, they can get their writing copy edited free of charge by the internet news readers. Smart, huh? But they still end up looking dumb to some people, so maybe they ought to just spring for that copy editor after all. Because when a major publication makes a stupid error like this, it could devalue their credibility by 100%.

Here’s the insightful, if not thoroughly intelligent, story (No fair fixing the math error! It’s in the 6th paragraph down, half way through the paragraph. And by the way, I know I am jumping to conclusions that this is a typo; it’s possible this writer is not very good at math, or that he’s an idiot. I’m just assuming he’s not an idiot since he’s writing for Time Magazine. But that might just be an error of mine right there.):

http://finance.yahoo.com/news/u-could-pressure-north-korea-tomorrow-quit-100-094000585.html

Comfy Control Dog Walking Ad

There's a product called the Comfy Control that has an ad (you know, the old "not available in stores" kind of commercial: order yours today!) running on late night cable news stations, and it's for some dog-walking harness that's supposedly more comfortable for the dog than the regular choking collar. So the spot begins with some generic radio announcer-sounding voice saying: "Dogs all across America are now begging to go for a walk...!" Then he says it's because of the new Comfy Control dog-walking harness. But weren't dogs all across America begging to go for a walk before this product and this commercial for it?

The truth is, the dogs all across America are begging to go for a walk because they have to go to the bathroom, and they've been holding it in all night or all day! And on top of that, the dogs are completely unaware of the availability of this product until you buy one and use it. And then, I'd be willing to bet they beg the same amount to go for a walk as they did before, because they will still have to go to the bathroom. (And because they like to mark their territory and get exercise.)

All they had to do was say it's more comfortable for your dog, and show why a choking collar is cruel. Saying dogs want to go for a walk now is ridiculous, because they always want to go for a walk! Just grab a leash, and they'll jump all over you in excitement and anticipation, even if they're going to get strangled with the choking collar for the whole walk, and they know it in advance! Everybody knows this, so the opening statement/claim is just silly. And when you open your commercial with a dubious claim that makes most people make fun of the ad, you're not going to be taken seriously. (Plus, they won't be paying attention for the rest of the spot, so your message will fall on deaf ears.) So if people buy this thing, it will be because of what it is, and in spite of this ad's opening copy.

Then they follow this great opening with some student-level CGI renderings of dogs being strangled with choking collars by the villain known as the "Canine Choker" (!). I'm kidding. What they do is beat their point to death with bad graphics and obviously staged scenarios, further sinking the spot (the ad, not a dog named "Spot"), which is way overlong to boot. I think most people know about the choking collars issue. Really they just had to explain it briefly, and say dogs enjoy it more and are easier to control with this than with a choking collar, and it's more humane, and do it in a better commercial. These "as seen on TV" ads really amaze me in one way, and that's the fact that they ever sell anything at all.

Here's the ridiculous ad:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NZ5V647MO3Q&feature=related

Coca Cola Global Warming Conspiracy?

I was watching Real Time with Bill Maher last night, and Bill Maher said climatologists have recently stated that carbon levels are four times higher than their worst-case scenario, or something like that, and that global warming is running rampant. But when I thought about that, it reminded me of the Coca Cola polar bear ads from the Super Bowl, and those commercials made it look like the glaciers are doing fine, and the polar bears and their habitat are healthy, and like global warming doesn't exist at all. And that's when it hit me: of course Coca Cola would want us to think that! If their polar bear ads brainwashed us into thinking the polar bears are fine, and the ice caps aren't melting, then maybe we wouldn't believe in global warming. And if we didn't believe in global warming, then maybe we wouldn't do anything about it. And if we didn't do anything about it, then the Earth would heat up, and then what would happen? Why, we'd all get thirsty, wouldn't we? And then we'd all buy lots more Coca Cola (!).

Now, I'm not saying there is a Coca Cola global warming conspiracy, but considering the evidence, doesn't it all fit? And think of who benefits: they do! So while I'm not accusing them of anything, I think it's interesting about how it all works out to benefit them if the Earth warms up. But you know, they're probably innocent, because after all, we might all just decide to drink Pepsi instead once our brains are all scrambled from overheating. And if they are guilty, then it would serve them right if we ended up drinking Pepsi! Wouldn't it?

Verizon 4G LTE Alligator Wrestling Ad

So here we have some red neck guy wrestling a fake alligator puppet in a slimy swamp while he’s monitoring his eBay auction of a Dukes of Hazzard lunchbox. This is obviously designed to show a guy distracted while busy doing something appropriately dangerous and hillbillyesque, all while being able to easily follow the events of his auction and still interact with the auction enough to win his silly lunchbox. But is this really an appropriate scenario? Shouldn’t this guy be in a promo for that show Swamp People, or at least bidding on a lunchbox for that show?

If this guy is a real Dukes of Hazzard fan, shouldn’t he be in a high-speed chase running from the police in some backwoods locale, all the while monitoring the auction and bidding on the lunchbox with his smartphone? And then it would be logical, since the police are obviously chasing him because he’s illegally using his cell phone for texting auction action commands, and hence it would work perfectly within the Dukes of Hazzard milieu, what with the guy appearing to be in a scene from the Dukes of Hazzard himself; plus, it would be wonderfully zeitgeisty, what with all the news hype about the dangers of texting while driving lately. In fact, to make it even better and more apropos, they should have him driving a General Lee Dodge Charger, just to demonstrate what a devoted fan he is to the show, and also indicating to us all in a glance why exactly this lunchbox would mean so much to him that he would risk his personal freedom to run from the police in a high speed chase to get it. And then the commercial would play out just like a scene from the show, and that would be a lot of fun for fans of the show.

(You see, if he had let the cops pull him over, he would have had to stop monitoring the auction, and he would have lost the lunchbox to someone else, proving why the police are depicted as villains in the show: because they’re always trying to prevent us from our constitutionally protected rights of pursuit of happiness; that is, the pursuit of Dukes of Hazzard lunchboxes, which everyone knows equals freedom! Oh, and the happiness generated by the high speed pursuit, too. {In the show The Dukes of Hazzard, the cops are trying to oppress and deny them of their constitutionally protected pursuit of happiness by buzzkillingly trying to shut down their moonshine empire. I think. And in the show or in real life, the distillation of liquor should definitely be legal for anyone who wants to do it. It’s really an abuse of government power to make it illegal, and they only do it due to the liquor lobby, which is outright government corruption.})

Oh, also: Does this mean that this phone is waterproof? If it's not, then this is false advertising! But if they made my idea of this commercial, it would be an example of truth in advertising, for texting while driving would get you pulled over by the police.

Here’s the alligator assaulting ad:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KgdUqsxhd10

Verizon Rhyme Hindu-like Goddess Ad

This is a bizarre and beautiful commercial for the Verizon Rhyme cell phone. We’ve got a very high-tech Sci Fi-esque setting, looking a lot like the inside of some cosmic space craft, and inside we see a multi-armed woman with a dissociative identity disorder-like condition acting like she herself is in actuality the cell phone. It’s weird enough that she’s got six arms, and that she lives in this high-tech cocoon, and that she’s coming across like some sort of bionic cyborg, but this acting like she’s the cell phone thing makes everything else she says extremely doubtful. I mean, how can we trust someone who fuses themselves with a computer, lives in a spaceship, surgically grafts other people’s arms onto herself, and all to try to get us to buy a cell phone? She’s obviously schizo! But maybe if we don’t buy the phone, she’ll vaporize our planet! Yikes! I guess we’d better buy the cell phone, lest we endanger our very existence!

You know, I’m shocked that Verizon would partner with such an obviously unbalanced but apparently incredibly powerful woman. Maybe they got scared too, and decided they’d best humor her and let her do ads for this phone, rather than make her mad. I guess that’s understandable. But why did they have to show her that phone? That’s what started this whole issue to begin with! That was very irresponsible of them, I must say! But honestly, they probably let her do whatever she wants to without criticism just because she’s pretty (beautiful women can get away with anything)!

Okay, so all jokes aside, this is a pretty freaky spot that people seem to either love or hate. I really like it in some ways, and not so much in others. But like my above comment, I like it party because she’s very pretty. But I hope this ad doesn’t make Hindus mad. But hey, if they can stomach the existence of McDonald’s when they revere the cow as sacred, then this ad is probably small potatoes (or a small order of fries). The idea of the many arms to indicate it is many things at once is partly inspired, but it also subliminally communicates the idea that perhaps you will need six hands to be able to use it effectively.

But what’s especially funny to me is how this “many things rolled into one” idea is also visually communicated subliminally in her dress: it looks like a cigarette rolling paper, and she looks like she’s being rolled into a joint. And behind her, that circular lighted area looks rather like a hot cigarette lighter from a car, doesn’t it? If it glowed orange instead of lavender, it sure would. So it looks like someone is about to smoke her. And based upon this whole scenario, it feels like we’ve all smoked something when we see this spot. Pretty freaky!

(But for anyone who has watched enough of that show Ancient Aliens knows, they suggest that some Hindu stories involve spaceship wars, and so this ad seems to meld the idea of a Hindu Goddess with a spaceship environment, which is exactly what the show Ancient Aliens is all about suggesting. And since mostly potheads probably like that show, this visual metaphor of the rolling paper dress and the cigarette lighter back lighting probably all works really well with the melding together of the show, its ideas, and its fans. So it was probably thought up by fans of Ancient Aliens. At least, that's how it looks to me.)

Here’s the cell phone cosmic communion commercial:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k6mQ6VN4Wp8&feature=relmfu

Nuclear Contraception

I saw a news show recently where they discussed nuclear non-proliferation and the issue of contraception in the same show. And this made me think of an image of a bunch of nuclear missiles with condoms on them (to prevent them from multiplying). I don’t know if anyone has used this image for a nuclear non-proliferation political cartoon before; I haven’t seen it before, but it seems like the kind of thing someone must have done before. But it would be a very good cartoon, I think, for the issue of nuclear non-proliferation, or to illustrate a non-proliferation treaty or summit meeting, if nobody has done it yet.

Grey Goose "Royal Rumble" (Joke) Ad

Over the weekend, the Prince of Monaco was hospitalized, along with three of his friends/bodyguards, by a New York club owner, reportedly in part for helping themselves to the New Yorker’s bottle of Grey Goose vodka. Now isn’t this an ad that simply writes itself? All they have to do is refer to this incident and say: “Grey Goose vodka: The only vodka in the world that’s fine enough for Royals to risk hospitalization by assault to drink.” Or they could say: "Grey Goose vodka: The only vodka that's desirable enough for the super-rich to literally fight over it." (The allegation is that the prince and his buddies were helping themselves to the New Yorker’s $500 bottle of “table serve” Grey Goose vodka.) And isn't this like so many other commercials where people go to great and ridiculous lengths to eat or drink the product advertised? So it would fit right in with that advertising trend, in addition to having the unique characteristic of being perhaps 100% true, or at the very least, "based on a true story". (And after this, perhaps Grey Goose can create a special, even more expensive version of their vodka, called: "Grey Goose Royal Rumble Collection".)

Here’s the story that was a real royal pain:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2104776/Model-Jessica-Hart-accuses-club-owner-Adam-Hock-starting-brawl-left-Monaco-prince-needing-hospital-treatment.html?ito=feeds-newsxml

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2103755/Monacos-Prince-Pierre-Casiraghi-hospital-nightclub-brawl-Adam-Hock.html