Maybelline has a product called: "Illegal Length" Mascara. So I guess it's a crime to use it or something?
Shame on you, Maybelline! Aren't the prisons crowded enough already with non-violent offenders without you guys entrapping women into breaking the law with your contraband mascara? Or does Maybelline own a large stake in the privatization of America's prisons, and by getting women to wear illegal length mascara, they will ensure they'll make even more money when the police bust them for using it? (Aren't the police busy enough already as it is? Or will there be a new squad of makeup police to enforce the illegality of this new mascara? {More taxpayer dollars down the drain!}) And that way, they keep the money rolling in no matter what? Plus, this stuff is probably only illegal because it's addictive, which means that visitors will sneak it into the prisons hidden up their butts and everyone in jail will continue to use it, like drugs, and Maybelline will cash in on their consumers on both ends! (The makeup end, and the prison end, that is.)
Oh, but who's really to blame here? Congress makes the laws of this land, don't they? So then shame on you, Congress! You can't make abortion illegal, so you pass a law to punish women by making their mascara illegal! And you know that your approval rating is so low, you can pass any silly law you want and nobody will notice! Well, I never! Unless...
Hey, you don't suppose Maybelline lobbied Congress for this law, just so that they could try to peer-pressure women into disrespecting the law, now do you? Why, then Maybelline will create an entire lawless subculture of outlaw makeup-wearers! They'll be like the drug cartels, only with different white powder and black goopy stuff. Oh, and red lipstick instead of blood. It will be a wasteland of lawlessness, and everyone will suffer, until the president declares a "War on Makeup", and then Maybelline will cash in even more with all the prisons they own, and by selling their makeup at hyper-inflated black-market prices! And women who wear this illegal length mascara will have to wear masks and balaclavas to hide their identities so they won't be arrested! They'll only be recognized with those ridiculously long lashes sticking out through their masks! (Mascara sticking out of mascaras!)
Oh, Maybelline: why couldn't you encourage people to live on the right side of the law? (Oh, Maybelline, why can't you be true?) But I guess it's really our own fault for always desiring that which is forbidden. (But they're still exploiting us for it!)
