I wrote a piece about the Miracle Whip “witch burning” ad
recently, but when I did, I didn’t notice that apparently the Miracle Whip
tagline is now: “Keep an open mouth.” So, does that mean everyone who likes
Miracle Whip should keep their mouths open at all times? (Or must we all now do
this by command of Miracle Whip? If it’s really a witch, it could force us to
do it against our will with black magic!) And if so, then won’t this make
everyone who likes Miracle Whip seem like a “mouth-breather”? And if not that,
then at least won’t they drool out in public and stuff, and have bugs fly into
their mouths, and look all silly and gross? It just kinda seems like it to me.
And I’m not sure that’s the best thing for Miracle Whip, that’s all. Besides,
if we keep an open mouth, then won’t we be in danger of having other stuff fly
into it that we end up liking more than
Miracle Whip? And then they will have been beaten by their own tagline! (Oh,
the irony!)
How about instead: “Keep an open mind, and keep a happy
mouth.”? Or how about: “Life is sweet (and tangy).”?
Or, maybe they could say: “Miracles come to those who keep
an open mouth!”, or: “Let Miracle Whip come in your mouth: You’ll be glad you
did!” Then they could have ads where someone walks down the street with their
mouth open, and some Miracle Whip comes squirting at them, and it goes right
into their mouth, and they say: “Mmmmm! Delicious!” (Actually, they could do
this with the tagline they are currently using, and it would be a great way to
make fun of this campaign. But they couldn’t make an ad like that, I don’t
think, or at least not for television for real; but maybe for the Internet.)
(BTW: These are not serious suggestions. I’m just making fun
of it. I think this tagline: “Keep an open mouth” is well-intentioned, like the
great Taco Bell tagline: “Think outside the bun” (which could also make people joke
that Taco Bell gives you diarrhea by saying: “Think outside your buns.”). I just think this keeping one’s
mouth forever open suggests many unintentionally funny and inappropriate
scenarios, and as such it causes some problems. But hey: maybe the more you
make fun of it, the more you’ll be thinking about how much you want a big,
heaping spoonful of Miracle Whip in your mouth, and you’ll go out and buy some.
I’m just not convinced that will realistically happen. But I like the intent
with this tagline a lot; I just think it nevertheless misses the mark. But an “A” for effort.)
