Chex makes a version of their breakfast cereal that’s gluten
free for people who require a gluten free diet. They say it’s delicious and
stuff, but is this really enough of a hard sell to demonstrate why people with
celiac disease ought to buy it? Doesn’t Chex Gluten Free cereal really need to
warn people of the dangers of wheat cereals plotting to sicken those with
gluten allergies, just to scare everyone into buying their stuff? I think so!
And guess what: there’s already a cereal advertising
campaign which personifies wheat cereal: Frosted Mini Wheats. These mighty
mites help kids have the energy they need to focus in school, etc. Oh, but what
else might they do? Well, how about if these mini wheat characters conspired to
jump into people’s mouths who are allergic to wheat? Then these poor people
would get sick! And that’s why people who are allergic to wheat gluten and such
really need to buy Chex Gluten Free: because if they buy the wrong kind of
cereal, it will try to sicken or kill them! (You know it’s true! Wheat gets
insulted by people who are allergic to it, so it tries to make them sick as
revenge.)
So in this (joke) ad for Chex Gluten Free cereal, someone
with celiac disease is making breakfast, and little wheat cereal characters
like the ones from the Frosted Mini Wheats ads are trying to sneak into the
person’s cereal bowl, trying to jump into their mouth, trying to catapult each
other into their mouth with a spoon, etc., in an attempt to kill them. Oh, but
just then, a Chex Gluten Free cereal character stops them like a police officer
and arrests them. Then another Chex character uses yet another Chex character
to expand like a big net (since Chex have a net-like texture) to capture other
wheat cereal characters, preventing them from jumping into the allergic
person’s bowl, onto their spoon, into their mouth, etc. And in this way, we can
see that Chex Gluten Free cereal actively protects the lives of those who are
allergic to gluten by keeping wheat out of their diet, thus saving their lives
from wheat cereal’s evil plot.
Here are a couple of examples of the Frosted Mini Wheats
ads:
And here’s a commercial for Chex Gluten Free cereal:
In this ad, a mom says: “Can a little bowl of cereal change
your life?” Well, then she ought to say: “If you’re allergic to gluten, and
it’s a wheat cereal it can! It can change your life into death! That’s why you need Chex Gulten Free!” And then they could show a
funeral for someone who failed to buy and eat Chex Gluten Free cereal taking place at a cemetery (called the “Celiac Cemetery”) where all the headstones
are like big cereal boxes of wheat cereals, showing which cereals had caused
the deaths of the people buried there. That ought to get across the idea that
wheat cereal is dangerous to people who are allergic to wheat gluten, right?
