Tuesday, February 27, 2018

Superman Anti-Violence Joke PSA

We watch Superman catch and beat up a super villain, and then he turns to the camera and says: "Hi, I'm Superman. You may find me to be heroic, beating up villains and criminals like I do, but in reality, violence never solves anything. And if you try to serve up justice or settle disputes the way I always do, you'll likely be arrested and charged with assault and go to jail, if the bad guys don't just beat you up or kill you. Remember: I'm impervious to bullets; you're not. And if anyone tries to arrest me, I can simply fly away, or melt the handcuffs with my super heat vision, knock out the cops, escape, and later claim it must have been some lookalike Lex Luthor gave super powers and convinced to impersonate and frame me, while you probably can't do that. So remember kids, violence never solves anything! Except maybe that time I saved Metropolis from certain destruction by punching that asteroid to smithereens. And that time I saved Lois Lane and Perry White from being murdered by villains by beating one of them up until he revealed their whereabouts. Or that time I leapt like a speeding bullet, knocking the gun out of that assassin's hands and saving the mayor and all the innocent civilians around him at the time. Or possibly that time I smashed that bomber that was about to nuke the city. Or perhaps when I used my super strength to smash open the steel doors to the factory and beat up and apprehend the bad guys who were using it to produce poisonous gas to distribute throughout the city in an attempt to kill every last living soul in Metropolis, foiling their plans for good. Or maybe when I..." (And the sound fades out with him still talking.)

Chap Stick Charlie Chaplip Ad (Proposed)

In a proposed silly ad for Chap Stick, we introduce a new advertising mascot for Chap Stick: Charlie Chaplip. Charlie Chaplip is an ersatz Charlie Chaplin, but instead of his small Hitlerian mustache (actually, he had it before Hitler had one, but never mind; in the minds of most people today, it's a Hitler mustache), he has noticeably pale chapped lips until he uses Chap Stick (which he always carries around with him wherever he goes), at which point they become smooth and pink.

We see Charlie Chaplip in scenes similar to those in the classic Charlie Chaplin silent movie The Gold Rush, for example a scene where two guys are stuck out in the frozen tundra prospecting for gold (Charlie Chaplip and another character), and the other character gets his lips chapped so badly that he hallucinates that Charlie Chaplip is a man-sized stick of Chap Stick, and he tries to grab Charlie and forcibly twist Chap Stick out of his head, with Charlie saving himself just in time when he finds his own stick of Chap Stick in one of his pockets (He has to try all of his pockets before he finally finds his Chap Stick.) and presents it to the guy.

CPAP Mask Hotel/B&B Joke Ad

As we see a couple enter their room at a B&B or hotel an announcer says: "We set up a hidden camera to see how well (whatever brand of) CPAP mask works to enhance breathing reduce snoring." Then, that night, we see night vision footage of the couple asleep in bed together. The man wearing the CPAP mask is breathing freely and not snoring as he sleeps on his back. Then, he wakes up and looks directly into the camera. As it happens, he has noticed the camera, and he gets up and stands on the bed to take a closer look at the camera, hidden in an overhead light fixture. Then the man rips the cover off the light fixture, clearly revealing the now exposed camera, and he tears the camera out of the light fixture, wakes up the woman next to him in bed, and the couple freaks out over being spied upon and surreptitiously filmed. Then we see the couple angrily kick down the door of the room where the announcer guy who spoke earlier is sitting and watching a big bank of video monitors showing live feeds from the hidden cameras in all the other rooms in the hotel/B&B, and the couple throws the video camera at him, shouting: "You creepy pervert! How dare you put a hidden camera in our room and film us while we're sleeping!" But the announcer guy says: "We just wanted to see how well your CPAP mask is working for you! This is part of a nationwide study. If we told you about it in advance, we might not have gotten an accurate picture of the efficacy of the mask." Then the couple says: "Oh yeah? Then what's all this stuff?" pointing to the bank of video monitors where we now see (blurred or pixelated) video of other couples in the hotel/B&B engaged in sex, bondage, etc., and then pointing to a pile of freshly burned DVD-Rs of secretly filmed pornography about to go out for distribution, with naughty titles clearly written on them along with the corresponding room numbers where the video was filmed. So the announcer/peeping tom guy, caught in his peeper porn scheme, says: "Oh, sh!t!" and grabs an armload of the DVD-Rs as he tries to run away. And the man of the couple tackles the peeper announcer guy, saying: "Oh no you don't, you peeping pervert!" while the woman from the couple calls 911 for the police to come arrest the announcer guy.

Deodorant Un-Feramones Ad (Proposed)

In a proposed silly TV spot for a deodorant, a young man with body odor is described as having "Un-feramones" (pronounced like: "Unfair-Ramones"). And then a miniature cartoon version of the Ramones appears, singing songs describing the guy's bad smell, following him wherever he goes. Then he decides to try the brand of deodorant the ad is for, and the Unfair Ramones band stops singing teasing songs and disappears.

Advertising Song: "How They Lure Ya'"

To the tune of Handel's "Hallelujah Chorus", we hear a chorus sing: "How They Lure Ya'" again and again as we are shown the many tactics employed to attract customers to whatever business (let's say, for example, a bank). Then the announcer goes on to say that (whichever bank the ad is for) attracts its customers with reliable and flexible banking, so they don't need to use gimmicks and offers to lure potential customers.

This is Georg Friedrich Handel's "Hallelujah Chorus":


Dr. Scholl's Odor-X Insoles "The Old Woman Who Lived in a Shoe" Ad (Proposed)

An announcer recites an altered version of the nursery rhyme: "The Old Woman Who Lived in a Shoe", with the alterations telling us a narrative of how the titular old woman from the poem gets rid of the smell of stinky feet permeating the shoe she lived in by using Dr. Scholl's Odor-X Insoles:

There was an old woman who lived in a shoe,
It smelled of feet so badly, she didn't know what to do,
It dawned on her to try Odor-X insoles,
And she whipped the smell soundly, thanks to Dr. Scholl's!

And as we are read this altered nursery rhyme, we see what transpires in the story play out in the form of a silent movie short (in color, though). And what we see is the old woman moving into (or entering, carrying a suitcase inside, at least) the shoe/home and noticing that it smells unpleasant inside, just like the inside of a shoe would be liable to smell. So she tries a spray can of air freshener, a Glade-style plug-in, and scented candles (shown in rapid succession via jump cuts), but none of them works. But then she has a eureka moment, realizing that since she's living in a shoe, perhaps she should try what works best to rid shoes of odors: Dr. Scholl's Odor-X Insoles. And now, thanks to the Dr. Scholl's Odor-X Insoles, her house is odor-free and smells wonderfully fresh! And then the announcer says that if it works to make an enormous shoe with someone living inside of it smell fresh, imagine how well it will work on the shoes people wear on their feet!

This is the Wikipedia page for the poem: "The Old Woman Who Lived in a Shoe":


Halo Ramones Ad (Proposed)

The Ramones' song "Blitzkrieg Bop" (The one where they chant: "Hey, Ho, Let's Go!") is already overused in ads, generally not even using the song's lyrics and/or theme whatsoever. So why not use it (in very slightly altered form) for an ad where its lyrics and theme would actually work with what's going on, and that's as the song accompanying an advertisement for a video game from Halo series.

We'd open up with the chant of: "Ha-lo, Let's go! Ha-lo, Let's go!" as the door to a military troop vehicle opens and soldiers (one of them the player of the game, and whose POV we're presented with) pour out, attacking and shooting at whatever people fight in Halo games. And the Ramones begin singing the (actual) lyrics to the song's first verse:

They're bombing in a straight line,
They're going through a tight wind,
The kids are losing their minds,
Blitzkrieg bop!