Wednesday, November 30, 2016

Balsamic Reduction “Balsamic Reducer” Punk Song Ad (Proposed)

The Dead Boys, a 1970s punk rock band from NYC’s best known song is called: “Sonic Reducer”. And so I thought maybe it would be fun to have a punk rock mascot for some brand of balsamic reduction called the: “Balsamic Reducer”.

We could see a dinner party of some young adults, and one guy brings a salad, but without an obvious salad dressing. So his friends call him a loser, and he snaps his fingers and sings: “I’ve got Balsamic Reducer, ain’t no loser!” And the character of the punk rock mascot the Balsamic Reducer shows up and puts the balsamic reduction on all of their salads, to which they say things like: “Radical!” and: “Righteous!” And one of the women says: “Dude, that is so punk rock of you to think of this!” And they all love it, and we hear the altered chorus of the Dead Boys song: “Sonic Reducer” sing: “Balsamic Reducer, ain’t no loser! Balsamic Reducer, it tastes juicier!”

Here’s the song: “Sonic Reducer” by the Dead Boys:

Sunday, November 27, 2016

McDonald’s Shamrock Shake Justice League Ad (Proposed)

Batman hands Superman a rich and creamy green milkshake, and Superman takes a big sip through a straw, and chokes on it like in Superman v. Batman: The Dawn of Justice; and then, after going down on his knees and coughing, he gets up and says: “Just kidding! It’s delicious!” And the other superheroes from the Justice League laugh.

Apple’s New Sluri: Siri for Drunk People

Ever tried to ask Siri a question, but she couldn’t understand you because you were too drunk to speak properly? Well, then your problems are now solved with Sluri: Apple’s new Siri for drunk people.

How did Apple crack the code to drunk speak for Artificial Intelligence? Why, they forced all their coders to become alcoholics and figure out how to make Sluri understand them, that’s how!

Lock a bunch of super smart people into a room with enough of the world’s best beer, wine, and spirits, and you’d be amazed at what can happen! Not only did the coders crack the drunk code, they also did other fun stuff, like play quarters!

So they next time you’re too drunk to talk to Siri, download her drunk pal Sluri, and you’ll score every time! Not only does she understand you, she slurs too so you can understand her as well!

(Not available on Microsoft devices: Sorry they’ll have to have their own drunk lock-in lab!)

Saturday, November 26, 2016

GMC Black Friday Ad

Why would any product or service use the music from The Who’s “Eminence Front”? The song is about (they said drug use; I always thought it was about lying politicians when I was a kid) dishonesty and a sham charade appearance. So every time I hear it in an ad, I know I’m being conned.

Why don’t they use a different song? Or is it a new law that requires this song’s use in ads? I guess they don’t know what it’s about, or else they assume we don’t.

Friday, November 25, 2016

Microsoft Harold & the Purple Crayon Ad (Proposed)

We see Harold (from the classic children’s book: Harold and the Purple Crayon) drawing with his purple crayon on his Microsoft Surface, and whatever he draws becomes reality. Then the slogan is: “Draw your own world, with the Microsoft Surface.”

Trumpo: The New Disney Film?

Like in Dumbo, Trumpo is an elephant (the Republican Party elephant mascot, with Donald Trump’s hair), and he spends his life in a (media) circus. And because he wins the primary, and then the election, he flies and he flies, drunk from power, and when he wakes up, hungover from his power trip, he ends up getting schooled by minorities about his vitriolic rhetoric.

It’s Trumpo: Coming soon to a theater near you! (Okay, probably not…)

Tuesday, November 22, 2016

Op Ed: Superhero of Opinions!

Hide your eyes and ears, it’s Op Ed: Superhero of opinions!

Hiding under his secret identity of Opie Edwards, mild-mannered op-ed writer for a small newspaper, his superpower is to brainwash everyone with his super-powered opinions that he shoots out of his mouth for our ears to hear and through his fingers for our eyes to read!

Yes, plug your ears and avert your gaze, or else you will become a willing tool (or useful idiot) of Op Ed: Superhero of Opinions!

Monday, November 21, 2016

Ash Vs. Evil Dead EST Knob

Is it just me, or does the knob on the electro-shock therapy device in Ash Vs. Evil Dead's asylum episode look like the knobs on Mark Levinson's Cello Audio Palette?

(I could never afford a Cello Audio Palette, but I definitely know what it looks like!)

Febreze 12 Stinks of Christmas Ad

I love this fun Doug E. Fresh ad from Febreze! But hmm, I have to wonder if this was somehow inspired by my Beatles “Febreze Spray” song from this blog in 2012? I haven’t seen Febreze do an ad song before with a star recording artist, so I wonder if they saw mine and did their own with someone else. Always happy to see Doug E. Fresh, though! That guy is cool; or, more appropriately, fresh! But if ad agencies or product companies like my ideas, I wish they’d hire me!

Sunday, November 20, 2016

Pickup Truck Brand “I Like Big Trucks” Ad (Joke/Proposed)

Sir Trucks-a-Lot, a rapper with a cowboy hat on, and wearing a big chain with the logo of the truck company on it, sings a new version of Sir Mix-a-Lot’s classic hit: “Baby Got Back (I Like Big Butts)”, but singing instead about trucks, like so:

I like big trucks and I cannot lie,
You other truckers can’t deny,
That when a truck rolls in with a monster chassis,
And all those lights up in your face,
You get sprung, you want to pull out your stuff,
‘Cause you know you can stuff that truck,
Deep in the bed it’s wearing,
That open truck bed is glaring,
Oh, baby I want to get with you,
And load your fixture!
My good ol’ boys tried to warn me,
But that truck leans on my horn-y!

And while we hear the guy rap about big trucks, we see some big truck pull up in front of a bunch of guys with their wimpy trucks, and their eyes all pop out, and they drool over the truck, and then we cut to seeing them throwing all their stuff into the back of the truck to show all the stuff it can hold, etc.

Then we turn it around, and the truck starts singing back in a GCI character form, and it spins around, sings like a character from the movie: Cars, and bounces back and forth on its huge ties as it sings:

Ooh, truckers do say,
You say want to get in my bins?
Well, use me, use me,
‘Cause I know you truck guys are groovy!

And we see the truck singing to the guys, and they all get super excited.

(I mean, you can riff all day long on this idea!)

As far as I am aware, nobody has done this yet, as it isn’t listed on the Wikipedia page for Sir Mix-a-Lot, but if it was done before and I missed it, my apologies: I didn’t always have a TV set.

Here’s the song I am referring to:

(BTW: What made me think of this was I walked to the supermarket today, and as I walked in front of a huge pickup truck, I smiled, and the guy rolled down his window and said: “What are you smiling at?” and I said: “I like your truck!” and he said: “Thanks! Me too!” It was some really monster truck kind of thing like you rarely see outside of the deep South, so I couldn’t help but react. And I must admit, I really kind of like big trucks.)

Robatussin DM Max “If You Could See Your Cough” Ad

Hey, this is the exact same concept from a classic ad I remember from my childhood: “If you could see your bad breath.” We all used to make fun of that ad back in Massachusetts during the winter when our breath would turn to steam and we could all see it. I can’t remember what mouthwash that was an ad for anymore (Scope? Listermint? Not sure.), but it’s exactly the same idea here: visualize the unseen bad thingy you’d want to avoid having. (Why is the ad I’m referring to not up on YouTube? It was one of the ones that people talked about the most, like: “That little itch could be telling you you have dandruff” for Head and Shoulders Shampoo. Also one of those ‘make people insecure so they’ll buy the product’ ads I am generally against; but that mouthwash one was so funny, I give it a special dispensation for its intent.)

So while this spot is fun, I hope everyone knows it’s hardly an original concept. And, in fact, its concept is borrowed from one of the great ads from yesteryear (somewhere around the late 1970s).

But I have to take issue with the tagline used here: “Because it’s never just a cough.” Sometimes coughs are just coughs, and this ad is not only misleading, but accusatory in tone towards people who have non-contagious coughs. Apparently acid reflux can lead to a chronic cough, but that’s not contagious, so this ad, while not exactly lying (an acid reflux cough is caused by acid reflux, so technically it’s not just a cough), is making coughs look like they’re all infectious, which they’re not; maybe most are contagious, but not all of them are. You have to give me the fact that the perception of that tagline’s statement is that all coughs are contagious, even if they have phrased it with plausible deniability.

If only cough syrups really worked well on coughs. Try Tessalon Perles for an actual cough suppressant. They’re prescription, though, and not sure why, but they work, which I have found over-the-counter cough syrups don’t.

Here’s the cough cloud commercial: