Saturday, September 24, 2016

Wipes “Kiss-Ass” Joke Ad

A roll of coarse toilet paper calls a dispenser of bathroom cleansing cloth wipes a: “Kiss-ass” for being so moist and soft, rather than rough like the toilet paper is, and the wipes dispenser says: “Yes, I am an ass-kisser: I kiss people’s butts with tender loving care, while you kick their butts with coarse scratchiness.” The toilet paper roll makes an annoyed sound, like: “Mmpph!” and rolls away.

Joke NRA Hillary Ad

I just saw an ad for the NRA where a woman is woken up by a break-in at her home, and she calls 9-1-1, and then she opens her gun safe and grabs her gun. But then we hear that Hillary Clinton wants to take away our right to defend ourselves, and so the gun and gun safe disappear, and the woman drops the phone onto the floor, and the implication is that she is assaulted or killed, and then we cut to a shot of the police outside the house.

How about this one as a joke on that ad, but this time as an ad for Hillary Clinton:

We see some angry young white man preparing for a spree shooting, similarly to Robert De Niro in the famous scene in Taxi Driver. We see him put a few guns into the waist of his jeans as the announcer says: “You’re an angry white man. You’re mad because your white privilege is slipping away. But you’re going to show them a thing or two! Oh, but Hillary Clinton wants to take away your guns.” Then the guns disappear and the young man’s pants fall down. He tries to walk over to a gun safe, but it disappears too, and he trips over the pants around his ankles and smashes his head into his chest of drawers.

Sorry, but I cannot seem to find this NRA ad online; plenty of others, but not this one.

(BTW: This is just a joke ad based upon the NRA ad I saw and what the Democrats like to say as an argument against gun rights. I think this is the kind of ad the Democrats would like to run, but they know it would likely cost them a lot of votes if they did. Personally I believe in the right to defend ourselves with a gun at home, but I think we need to be responsible with them, and we need to implement mandatory gun safety and target training, extend background checks, and aggressively prosecute straw buyers.)

Friday, September 23, 2016

Siemens The Monsters That Live in the Dark Ad

In their effort to reassure us all that they keep the lights on for us, this Siemes ad accidentally reveals the frightening truth: there really are monsters that live in the dark, and they threaten to kill and eat us if the lights ever go out!

Aaaaa! Help, they’re going to get me! We’d better all leave all of our lights on all the time just to be sure we’re safe! Energy saving be damned!

I have tried to make people aware of the actual danger to our lives from these supposedly imaginary monsters for years, but nobody listens to me. But now, because of the truth finally being revealed by this Siemens ad, I think it is incumbent on us all to dress up in monster costumes and attack people until society finally believes the threat is real. And thanks to Siemens for finally being honest about this very real threat, even if they did it accidentally.

Here’s the scary spot:

(By the way, all jokes aside, when I was a little teensy kid, I was also afraid of the dark, and I slept with the light on for a while. And while I don’t remember my exact age when my parents made me sleep with the light off for the first time, I do remember what it was like that first night: it was very similar to the effects in this spot. There was a stream of light from the hallway peering into my bedroom, and in it I thought I saw the shadows of frightening monsters threatening and such. So I think this ad totally gets it right in its depiction of the frightening monsters threatening our vulnerable, cowardly children.)

Wednesday, September 21, 2016

Chick-fil-A Weasel Ad (Proposed)

The weasel from the Warner Bros. cartoons tries to capture Foghorn Leghorn to eat him. Foghorn Leghorn says he’s way too old and tough to be good to eat, but he tells the weasel that there’s a place called Chick-fil-A where they serve delicious chicken sandwiches, and he asks the weasel if he’d like to go get a sandwich there, and the weasel says: “Yeah, yeah, yeah!” And in the next scene we see the weasel with a Chick-fil-A chicken sandwich, and he’s drooling while looking at it. Then the weasel takes a bite, says: “Yeah, yeah, yeah!” and he wolfs down the rest of the sandwich and says: “Mmm!”

Razor Halloween Attack Ad

One brand of razors makes the accusation that their competitor’s blades are always the ones hiding in Halloween candy. But their own razors would never do something like that!

Halloween Costume for Politicians

The Bullsh!t Costume:

The body of the costume is an upside-down bull with the head hanging off of the rear end and with the arms and legs of the politician representing the four legs of the bull, with hooves on the hands and feet. Then there is a neck hole where the bull’s anus is, and the politician’s head goes through the hole like a t-shirt so that the costume looks like the politician’s head is being crapped out of a bull. They are the bullsh!t. And a bull tail is on the back of the collar and hangs down the back of the costume.

Star Trek Spiral Alien Political Ad (Proposed)

The episode “Day of the Dove” from the Star Trek original series has an alien that’s shaped like a buzz saw blade made of light, and when people get angry and violent, the alien begins to glow red. (It feeds off of anger, and it glows red when everyone is really mad at each other, for those who have seen that episode and remember it.)

In this political ad featuring the alien from the Star Trek episode “Day of the Dove” we see political pundits yelling at each other and smearing each other with hate speech, like they do so often, and the alien is glowing bright red and growing in size, feeding off the anger, resentment and hatred. And the announcer says: “Stop all the hate in American politics. We can disagree without being disagreeable, so why don’t we try doing so?”

Hillary 2016 Arrogance & Ignorance Political Ad (Proposed)

We see Donald Trump making a speech, saying inflammatory things, and the announcer says: “Trump: Where arrogance and ignorance meet.”

Republican Party Ramones Ad (Proposed)

Johnny Ramone was a Republican and an avid Reagan and Bush supporter. And in this proposed ad for the Republican Party, we see the story of Johnny Ramone, from juvenile delinquent to successful iconic, legendary rock musician and the founder of a new style of music: punk rock. And we hear about how Johnny Ramone set up accounts for all the Ramones and managed their money for them so that they wouldn’t blow it all, and to make sure they would each have money to retire on. His conservative principles of entrepreneurship, hard work and financial responsibility are what the Republican Party is all about. Then we see video of Johnny Ramone at the Ramones’ induction into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, and he says: “God bless President Bush, and God bless America.”

Here is Johnny Ramone of the band the Ramones saying: “God Bless President Bush, and God Bless America”:

(Once again, I am an Independent, not a Republican, and I'm writing political ads like this one merely as an intellectual exercise and for fun to show that I can create political ads for both political parties.)

Hillary 2016 Trump vs. Reagan Political Ad (Proposed)

In this proposed ad for Hillary Clinton, we see clips from speeches by Donald Trump followed by clips of speeches by Ronald Reagan contradicting the things Trump stands for.

(I don’t know the quotes personally, and I don’t have the time to look it up now, but I know Reagan said many things counter to Donald Trump's xenophobic rhetoric.)

Super PAC Hypocrisy Political Ad (Proposed)

We see a list of TV shows (and some scenes from them, played with sound used only here and there to accentuate their bias) that push partisan propaganda for the Democratic Party and left-wing political agendas, like news shows on CNN, MSNBC, CBS, NBC, ABC, shows like VeepMadam Secretary, late night comedy shows like The Daily Show with Trevor NoahReal Time with Bill MaherLast Week Tonight with John OliverFull Frontal with Samantha Bee, etc. The announcer says that Democrats control most television and news programming, using it for partisan bias all the time, and that these TV shows have infinitely more influence over people than political ads, and yet Democrats are crying foul over Super PACs that only try in their small, insignificant way to try to level the playing field somewhat for Republicans. TV and news programming are a giant Super PAC for the Democrats, so which side is really enjoying an unfair advantage here? Big moneyed interests make the TV shows and news programming too, and that’s big money in politics. Hypocrisy? Yes; yes it is.

The announcer says Democrats want a monopoly on media spin and partisan messaging, and then they cry foul whenever the Republicans find a way to get their message out or to copy the Democrats’ own tactics. It’s extremely, almost absurdly, unfair.

(Again, I am an Independent, I don’t like either party, and I'm just writing political ads like this as an intellectual exercise, and to show that I can write political ads for both sides.)

Hillary’s Love Trumps Hate Slogan

I remember the first time I saw the Hillary Clinton campaign’s: “Love Trumps Hate” slogan, and it immediately made me think they meant: “Love Trump’s Hate”, as in an effort to convince us to love Donald Trump’s hateful sentiment.

Kingsford Sparking Outrage Ad (Joke/Proposed)

In this joke/proposed ad for Kingsford Charcoal, the brand that prides itself on lighting easily, we see young people who are outraged by offensive, controversial comments put the printed out comments that outrage them on a grill full of Kingsford Charcoal, and when they light the paper with the offending statements on them, the charcoal lights up too. Then the announcer says to spark some outrage with Kingsford Charcoal.

(I keep seeing news headlines claiming that something sparked outrage, and that’s what ins-pyre-d me to think of this.)