Tuesday, June 21, 2016

Get the Vampire Vanessa Look

You know you want it: that vampire look! Then take a cue from Vanessa Ives from Penny Dreadful: Put your eyeshadow on your lower eyelids!

The Political Donor Song

(To the tune of “Sugar, Sugar” by the Archies)

Donor, ah, crony, crony,
You are my money girl,
You got me rewarding you…

Here’s the video of the song “Sugar, Sugar” by the Archies:

Sunday, June 19, 2016

“Finding Dory” Breaks Box Office Record

The Pixar movie Finding Dory made history this weekend, breaking the record for an animated film box office opening weekend.

Fortunately, this will not go to Dory’s head and make her into an arrogant, hyper-privileged celebrity, as Dory has no long-term memory, and hardly any short-term memory either. (I wonder how she remembered her lines?)

Smart Car Fredo (Joke) Ad

In this joke ad for the Smart Car, Fredo delivers his classic line from The Godfather: Part II, with some added dialog, saying: “I’m smart! That’s why I bought a Smart Car!” (Then he goes for a ride with Michael’s hit man in his Smart Car, showing it off to demonstrate how smart he is, and he gets whacked.)

Here’s a clip from the movie where Fredo delivers the famously awkward line (It’s at about 0:09):

Ageless Male Kung Fu Ad (Proposed)

We see a scene from one of the Shaw Brothers’ Kung Fu movies, like Clan of the White Lotus, where an old man with long white hair and white facial hair is beating up younger men, and the announcer says: “Getting old is no fun. Don’t get mad; get even! Fight the symptoms of old age with Ageless Male!”

This is the kind of fighting scene I am referring to, from the beginning of Clan of the White Lotus (Also known as Fist of the White Lotus), starting at around 0:50:

And again here, starting at around 2:28:

(The same kind of scene, where younger men are fighting an older Kung Fu master, would also make a fun joke PSA about ending elder abuse; not to make light of the issue, but rather, to make fun of the advertising.)

Super Alpha Prostate

Don’t use Super Beta Prostate: Super Beta Prostate is for beta males. Use Super Alpha Prostate: It’s for alpha males! Plus, it turns beta males into alpha males, guaranteed!

Tony the Tiger’s Trump Slogan

Make breakfast grrrreat again!

Since Tony the Tiger is also orange, like Donald Trump, this message will resonate especially well with children who are Trump supporters.

Trump’s Title

Orange Julius Caesar

Banned Russian Rio 2016 Olympians Glad to Miss Zika Virus

Recently it was announced that Russia's track and field team would be banned from the Rio Olympic Games. But, in a surprising turn of events, banned Russian athletes said they only used doping so they would have an excuse not to have to go to the Rio Olympics where they'd be sure to get infected with the Zika virus. That way, they'd be sure to be well to compete in future events, and have normal babies later on. "We meant to do that," they were quoted as saying, adding: "We never would have been caught otherwise, as our doping program is way too sophisticated to ever be detected. Um, I mean…" (But it was too late. Once the cat was out of the bag, the polonium was in the food, and the ricin pellets in the umbrellas.)