Sunday, November 30, 2014

Poverty Barn

We’re not as affluent as we used to be in America, and with the rise of the dollar stores, someone has taken notice. And so now Pottery Barn will be opening a new chain of stores aimed at average Americans: Poverty Barn.

Poverty Barn will sell all kinds of home furnishings appropriate to their clientele: used furniture found on the street, Goodwill reject clothing, broken dishes, etc. Plus, they will sell all the cardboard boxes the Pottery Barn products come in, so we can live in them when our homes get foreclosed on.

Laxative “Shit Happens” Ad?

The ad shows multiple goofs occurring, and the announcer says: “As we all know, shit happens. But when it doesn’t happen, and you need it to, take (laxative), and it will happen.”

Laxative “Doo Doo Run Runs” (Joke) Ad

In this joke laxative ad, we hear a joke cover of the famous Crystals song: “Da Doo Ron Ron”, but with new lyrics, singing:

I’m feeling constipated so I take a pill,
Doo doo run run runs, doo doo run runs.
Some time later on my bowels will spill,
Doo doo run run runs, doo doo run runs.

Yeah, the hard poop spills,
Yeah, like I know it will,
And when I sit on the throne,
Doo doo run run runs, doo doo run runs.

(I’m almost sorry to make fun of this song, as it’s so great. But it also sounds like “Doo doo run runs”, so…)

This is “Da Doo Ron Ron”, for those who are unfamiliar with it:

(BTW: The Crystals had some of the greatest voices I’ve ever heard. They were my favorite group in elementary school.)

Always Discreet Ad

This Always Discreet ad shows people dancing around to demonstrate that it won’t make your pee leak out of your pants, in a virtual copy of the Tena Twist ad.

But in this ad, the demonstration uses purple liquid, so I think maybe they should ad the disclaimer: “If your pee is purple, see your doctor,” just in case anyone sees this and thinks their purple pee is normal.

Here’s the spotting spot:

Wednesday, November 26, 2014

Jublia Boxing Ad

In this animated ad for Jublia, an antifungal for toes, we see a big toe boxing against toenail fungus, and we hear that this stuff fights toenail fungus. But as we can clearly see in the ad, no matter how much it punches the toenail fungus, it doesn’t appear to damage or lessen it whatsoever. So, um, maybe it should chip some of it off with each punch, until there’s nothing left? Don’t you think? Otherwise the ad doesn’t make it look like the product works very well.

I don’t know about you, but its effort doesn’t mean much to me if the antifungal doesn’t work.

Here’s the athletic antifungal advert:

POM Wonderful Cyclops Ad

Here we have the healthy power of POM Wonderful personified as a giant red Cyclops character.

I feel like the slogan should have been: “POM Wonderful: A World of Warcraft character in every sip!”

Then maybe the tag could show the huge monster inside the person drinking it, and bursting its way out through their abdomen. And they wouldn’t even have to change the monster’s color at all.

Here’s the crazy Cyclops commercial:

Tuesday, November 25, 2014

Fierce Toothpaste

Hey, man: how come we all use this pansy-assed toothpaste that’s all minty and stuff? Let’s get badass teeth like wild beasts and carnivorous fish with Fierce Toothpaste!

Fierce Toothpaste comes in a variety of brands and flavors: there’s Shark Toothpaste (seal and surfer flavored), Piranha Toothpaste (Brazilian flavored), Lion Toothpaste (zebra and wildebeest flavored), and many more!

Get the sharp snazzy snaggleteeth you most desire with Fierce Toothpaste!

Gives you that "fresh kill" breath!

Kennewick Man Toothpaste

Kennewick Man is some ancient dead guy unearthed in Washington State, and he’s like 8,000-years-old. When I heard about this guy on TV, they said his teeth were worn down from a lot of sand being in his food, but apart from that, he had no evidence of tooth decay. And he was like 40-55-years-old (!). So then I thought: “Then why are we brushing our teeth? Is that’s what’s giving us cavities?”

So then I thought maybe scientists could figure out what Kennewick Man did to protect his teeth from cavities, and we could do the same, with Kennewick Man Toothpaste.