NPR Cyber-Attack Story Product Placement?

This morning NPR was talking about yesterday’s big cyber-attack, and the host asked an expert if this was a group effort, or could it be one guy in his Jockey underwear, and I thought: “Hey! Why blame Jockey? Why not Hanes, or Fruit of the Loom? Why not Crisp, or Calvin Klein? I happen to know most hackers rely on Tommy Hilfiger Boxer Briefs to support them in their work!”

Then I realized: this must be product placement! Whenever there’s a story about a blogger or a hacker, or someone addicted to online pornography, NPR probably gets paid to say they were sitting in their basement or studio apartment in their Jockey brand underwear! Only people smart enough to perpetrate massive cyber-attacks, underemployed enough to write blogs, or perverted enough to be addicted to online porn wear Jockey brand underwear!

Harry & David’s Basket of Deplorables

Just in time for the election, it’s Harry & David’s Basket of Deplorables!

Whether you’re voting for Crooked Hillary or Douchebag Donald, everyone wants to receive a Basket of Deplorables from Harry & David this November!

Filled with all the fresh deplorables you could ever want, Harry & David’s Basket of Deplorables is the perfect gift for this election season! Order yours today!

Psychiatrist Baggage Ad (Joke/Proposed)

In an airline-style ad for a Psychiatrist, they claim they will always lose your “baggage” for you! And we see someone checking their emotional baggage at the desk on the way in (and we see a conveyer belt, like at an airline check-in, with their baggage being put on and disappearing). And then, at the end of the session, the patient moves to the baggage pickup area, and there’s nothing there. Then the patient waits and looks at the empty baggage carousel and says: “It's gone!”, and walks away with a smile on their face.

New Airline Baggage Rules

I hear new airline regulations will make airlines pay a fee for lost or delayed baggage.

That's nice, but how come no matter how much I fly, airlines never lose my emotional baggage? I wouldn't mind if they lost that baggage. Can I pay a fee for that to get lost?

Restrictive Drugs Laws Song

99 restrictive drug laws on the books,

99 restrictive drug laws,

If one of those laws should happen to get struck down,

There’d be 98 restrictive drug laws on the books,

98 restrictive drug laws on the books,

98 restrictive drug laws,

If one of those laws should happen to get struck down,

There’d be 97 restrictive drug laws on the books,

97 restrictive drug laws on the books,

97 restrictive drug laws,

If one of those laws should happen to get struck down,

There’d be 96 restrictive drug laws on the books,

(Etc.)

Everybody sing!

Republican Harry Potter Ad (Proposed)

(I know all my Democrat friends will be mad at me for this, but it’s not inaccurate.)

We see a montage of Hermione Granger (my favorite character) in the Harry Potter movie series, and the announcer says that Hermione is the Republican Party ideal: she was an outsider (a Muggle), but she worked hard, and by working hard, she beat everyone else for good grades, and after a life of hard work, she established herself as the best in her field. She worked her way up to the top. That’s the whole Republican Party message: Anyone, through hard work, can rise to the top.

(I’m sure J. K. Rowling would be mad at me for pointing this out, but Hermione Granger is the perfect embodiment of the Republican Party message. Oh, and I’m not a Republican; I’m just an Independent who understands their message.)

Sandwich Katherine Timpf Ad (Joke/Proposed)

Kat Timpf is a right-wing firebrand, and while most people I know hate her, I actually love her. She makes good arguments that are well thought out, and I respect that. It’s no coincidence that she works for the National Review (William F. Buckley’s conservative rag): because she’s smart, and she can make a good argument.

But Katherine Timpf has said repeatedly that she gets bullied on Twitter for being too skinny by people saying: “Eat a sandwich!”

Wow, what an advertising bonanza this could be to some red state sandwich shop! Just have her say that she was waiting for a sandwich good enough for her, and now she’s finally found it! Then we see her eating it.

(This is an ad blog, btw, so spare me your fucking body image shit. I think she’s great just as she is, but she makes a point of saying on TV that people on Twitter bully her about her weight by telling her to: “Eat a sandwich.” So this is an ad idea based upon that alone. Any other meaning you are reading into it is your own issue. And, sorry, libs, but I love her too: one of my favorite people on TV. And I still miss JoNo, dammit!)