Summer’s Eve Womb Envy Ad (Proposed)

Well, it’s close to Halloween, and that means lots of Frankenstein movies. And what did Dr. Frankenstein want to do? Why, he wanted to create life! So, essentially, Dr. Frankenstein had womb envy. And so I thought it might make a fun ad for Summer’s Eve, to go with their recent “Hail to the V” ad campaign, to make a Halloween-themed Frankenstein “womb envy” ad, where we see creation scenes from Frankenstein and Bride of Frankenstein, and the announcer says: “See how much trouble men will go to to try to create life? Some of them have some serious womb envy. But ladies, we’ve already got that ability, and that power. So take care of it, with Summer’s Eve!”

The Burger Master: Frankenstein Burgers for Halloween

At the beginning of Bride of Frankenstein, we pick up where we left off at the end of Frankenstein, with the monster burned up in the windmill. And for a burger joint ad, we could have the burgomaster, now called the “Burger Master”, serve up “Frankenstein Burgers”, made out of the cooked monster. And for Halloween, the burger joint in the ad could serve special “Frankenstein Burgers”. And seeing as how there’s a place called the Burgermaster already, this could be an ad for them. (Yum: monster burgers! Made from 100% Organic, Grade-A, hormone and antibiotic-free, free range, farm raised, authentic Frankenstein monsters, ground and grilled to perfection!)

GE Brilliant Machines Bride of Frankenstein Ad (Proposed)

Bride of Frankenstein is on tonight, and seeing as how Halloween is coming up, this made me think of a Halloween-themed ad for GE, since they use the “brilliant machines” concept for their ads. And so I thought it might be fun to show the creation sequence of the Bride, and the ad could say that GE is creating brilliant machines, and what you create with them is up to you. And then we could see a close-up of some of the machines, and there would be a GE logo on each of them. (And of course, the spot would end with the slogan: “GE: We bring good things to life!”)

Rehab Addict

I just recently noticed that there is a show on TV called Rehab Addict. Now, with a show title like that, I thought it was going to be a reality show about people who are so addicted to going to rehab, they force themselves to drink too much, take drugs, compulsively gamble, etc., so that they get to keep going back and back to rehab again and again and never stop going to rehab for some addiction all the time. And maybe they’re even developing a heroin addiction while at an alcoholic clinic, or constantly playing online poker while drying out from a pill-popping habit, such that they’re always working on developing that next addiction that will require rehab while they’re busy rehabbing from something else. But no, it’s actually just a show about home renovation stuff. And that’s just deceptive marketing right there, that is.

Total Recall, China’s Pollution Problem & American Prosperity

I recently read about a city in China where the air pollution is so bad, they literally had to close the city for days. And that reminded me of something: the movie Total Recall. No, not the recent one, but the Paul Verhoeven one from 1990 with Arnold Schwarzenegger. And you know what happens in that, right? Well, some evil capitalist sells oxygen for an exorbitant price to people on Mars who have been deformed by the pollution and radiation from working the mines there. And with the news that Arnold Schwarzenegger would like to run for president, I think I know what his plan is: Get the American economy going again by selling China coal and oil for their power plants, and when they pollute their air so much that they can’t breathe, we’ll charge China through the nose for oxygen so that they can breathe while they continue to pollute their country into a wasteland by making plastic crap and computer parts for us, a lot like in the movie Total Recall. (That would close the trade deficit!)

But of course we all remember what happened at the end of the movie, right? The good guys win, and the evil capitalists are destroyed. But that’s just a movie! Our evil capitalists will never be destroyed! Plus, Arnie was the hero in the movie, so surely he’ll win even when the shoe’s on the other foot, right? And if Schwarzenegger ever got called to testify about the scheme, he could claim his memory was erased, just like in the movie.

(BTW: This post is only a joke in bad taste, as this pollution issue in China is no joke. We’ve really got to find a way to work together somehow or we’ll all be in the same boat sooner or later. And that pollution from Asia makes its way here to America, you’ll see. And pretty soon some company will be selling us air to breathe too, at ridiculously exorbitant prices.)

Sitcom Spouse Syndrome

Do you feel intimidated by threats and insults from your significant other that seem to be written by others unknown to you? Do these threats and insults generally end with canned laughter, or the laughter of a live audience? Do you often feel like your spouse acts like Ralph Kramden, Fred Flintstone or Archie Bunker? Does your spouse threaten to send you to the moon, or routinely say: “One of these days: Pow, right in the kisser!”? Does your spouse demean your children and in-laws in front of others, calling them “meathead” or worse? Then you may have Sitcom Spouse Syndrome, and it’s not your fault. Call us at the law offices of Sue Olivem Partners at 555-SSS$ to see if you are entitled to a cash settlement. You do not deserve to be laughed at by countless unseen strangers due to the thoughtless, remotely controlled behavior of your significant other, so don’t wait: call today!

PepsiCo World War Z Ads?

I recently watched World War Z, and in the movie, there’s a scene where Brad Pitt tries to sneak past some deadly zombies, but before he does, he takes a break for some product placement by getting a Pepsi out of a soda machine. And that made me wonder: Where’s the World War Z Pepsi ad? They must have paid through the nose for the product placement, so why not make use of it in a TV ad? They’d just have to show that scene from the movie, and say: “If it’s the last soda you’ll ever drink, it’s got to be a Pepsi!” And then maybe they could even infer that because Brad Pitt drank the Pepsi, the zombies like him now, because they’re the “Pepsi Generation”. And perhaps they could even have a music video with a zombie Brad Pitt dancing with all the other zombies in a Michael Jackson “Thriller” type scenario in another World War Z Pepsi ad.

Oh, and how about a KFC World War Z ad, where they show Brad Pitt walking past zombies, and they say: “Maybe Brad Pitt isn’t worth biting anymore, but how about the new KFC Go Cups?” And then we see zombies fighting over the KFC food, and the announcer says: “KFC: So delicious, it’s infectious!”

And while we’re at it, how about a Pizza Hut Pandemic Pan Pizza, with all the zombie meat toppings you can stomach? (It’s World War Z: for Zesty!)

(I think PepsiCo owns them all, so why not, at least for Halloween? I mean, they already paid for the product placement, right? So why not splurge for some tie-in ads too?)

But the least they could do is say that when the zombie apocalypse comes, as we all know it will someday soon, just drink a Pepsi, and you’ll be safe! (Because PepsiCo is engineering the zombies to attack people who are disloyal to their brands. Or at least, that’s what Ronald McDonald told me as he sipped an ice-cold Coca-Cola.)