Travelocity Surfing Ad

Travelocity has a new “Roaming Gnome” ad where we see some guy surfing on a big green wave, and we see he has the gnome on the front of his surfboard. Well, I couldn’t help imagining him wiping out on his board, falling on the gnome, and coming up out of the surf with the gnome stuck up his butt. (Ouch!) Maybe their competition could use that to show why we might not want to roam with the gnome.

(Hmm, I wonder if: “Pop that cherry lid through the doggy door” {what the Gnome says in the spot} means getting a gnome stuffed up your rectum? The gnome does have a red hat on, after all; and a famous movie surfer from Gidget was called Moondoggie.)

Here’s the surfing spot:

http://www.ispot.tv/ad/7SWF/travelocity-roaming-gnome-surfing

Friskies Cat Food “Transcendence” Ad (Proposed)

I was watching the movie Transcendence on one of my cable movie channels, and when Johnny Depp’s mind gets uploaded onto the Internet, he starts doing all this stuff, like making lots of money on the stock market, helping his wife escape from Neo-Luddite terrorists, and helping the FBI track the terrorist group responsible for his death. Then I thought about what might really happen in this scenario of someone’s intelligence being uploaded to the Internet, and I thought it was more likely they’d be watching lots of cat videos on YouTube. And then I thought that would make a fun ad for some cat food, like so:

A team of scientists is trying to upload some genius scientist’s mind into the Internet for the first time, and once it’s accomplished, they all start asking what he’s doing. One asks if he’s secured world peace by stopping all nuclear weapons systems. Another asks if he’s stabilized the world’s economy and used his skills to erase the national debts of all nations. And another asks if he’s come to a greater understanding of mathematics and science from culling all available data together. But the guy who’s keeping track of the online activities says: “Nope, he’s just watching a bunch of cat videos.” Then the announcer says: “We all love our cats, so feed them Friskies, and keep those frisky cat videos coming.”

(There are never enough cat food tie-in ads for sci-fi movies, you know.)

This is the movie Transcendence, for those unfamiliar with it:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Transcendence_(2014_film)

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2209764/

Laxative Emoticonstipation Ad (Proposed)

We see an animated emoticon, and it’s having a hard time because it’s constipated, so we see it make funny faces to communicate the idea that it’s constipated, and then we see the title: “Emoticonstipation” appear on the screen. Then the announcer says that to get relief from constipation, use (laxative product), and we see the laxative container slide over next to the emoticon, it opens and shakes out a pill, and then the emoticon face turns to the side and eats the pill like a Pac-Man character. Then we hear a Pac-Man sound effect, like when Pac-Man eats a ghost or a power pill, we cut for a lapse in time, during which we could hear a toilet flushing sound effect, and then the emoticon turns back and gives us a relief face and a smiley face. Then the announcer chimes in again, saying: “If you’re having a hard time, try (laxative product); it will soften your load, and get thing moving again.”

(I know I am essentially cheating here by blurring the line between emoticons and emoji somewhat. It might be the least dishonest misrepresentation you will ever see in an ad.)

Viagra Pinocchio Ad (Proposed)

We see Pinocchio, and he tells a lie, and his nose grows longer. Then we are told that Viagra does for the male private part for men with erectile dysfunction what lying does to Pinocchio’s nose. And that’s no lie.

Haulin’ Oats Ad Song?

I heard this week that Hall & Oates are suing a Brooklyn-based food company over their Haulin’ Oats granola product name, because apparently they own the name Haulin’ Oats for the trademark of another company’s oatmeal brand.

Well, if Hall & Oates are connected to an oatmeal product called Haulin’ Oats, maybe they could use the silly ad song I wrote in 2013 for an oatmeal jingle (based upon the Hall & Oates song: "Private Eyes"), but slightly altered to be specific for Haulin’ Oats, like so:

(To the tune of “Private Eyes”, by Hall & Oates)

I eat you, you’re good for me,

And you’re lowering my cholesterol for me,

Oats, yeah, you’ve got to know,

That you taste so darn good, and you’re just so healthy for my heart.

When I walk market aisles, you can’t escape my eyes!

Haulin’ Oats, they’re good for you, you know they taste so smooth,

Haulin’ Oats, they’re good for you,

Haulin’ O-o-oats, I’m wanting you, wanting you, wanting you…

Here’s my original post:

http://unconditionedresponse.blogspot.com/2013/03/hall-oats.html

And here’s the story about the trademark lawsuit:

http://www.rollingstone.com/music/news/hall-and-oates-suing-granola-company-over-haulin-oats-20150305

Volkswagen Golf Pro Golfer Drivers Ad (Proposed)

In this proposed ad for the VW Golf, we’d see a pro golfer playing a round (or finishing up a competition), and then he’d walk through the parking lot afterwards, approach the car, and as he grasped the door handle, the picture would freeze, and we’d see titles superimposed on the screen, identifying the car as: “Golf”, and the golfer as: “Pro”. (As in: Golf Pro.)

And in a following ad, we’d see famous pro golfers like Tiger Woods, Phil Mickelson, Bubba Watson, etc., each driving a VW Golf. Then titles would appear to label them as: “Golf” (referring to the car), “Driver” (referring to the person driving). Then at the end, each pro golfer would say: “I’m a golfer!” one after another, in separate clips.

Then, in the next ad in the campaign, we see the pro golfer Golf drivers driving their cars together, and they all arrive at a country club golf course, and they all park in the parking lot, with a view of the clubhouse in the shot as they park, and the titles appear on the screen to read: “Golf” (referring to the cars), “Club” referring to the country club clubhouse).

And in another spot in this campaign, one of the pro golfers drives his VW Golf to a tournament, and when he gets out of the car, we see he is wearing the most ridiculously loud pair of brightly colored plaid golf pants, and the picture freezes, and the titles come in to label again: “Golf” (Referring to the car), “Pants” (referring to the loud, silly golf pants).

In the next ad in this campaign, the campaign’s pro golfers are all getting into the same VW Golf, to go to lunch together after a round of golf, and a golf ball flies over and bounces off the car’s hood. The picture freezes, and the titles appear again: “Golf” (referring to the car), “Ball” (referring to the golf ball).

In another spot in the campaign, we’d see one of our pro golfers driving the VW Golf in an obstacle course, having fun. Then we’d cut to an aerial shot of the driving course, and the picture would freeze, and the titles would appear, labeling like so: “Golf” (Indicating the car), “Course” (indicating the obstacle course).

And for the next spot, we see a golf pro at the grocery store. He buys his groceries and takes the grocery cart out to his car, a VW Golf. And as he begins to load his groceries into the car, the picture freezes, and we see the titles: “Golf” (indicating the car), “Cart” (indicating the grocery cart).

Then, in the final spot in the campaign, we’d see the pro golfer Golf drivers again, this time having fun and racing each other in their VW Golf cars. Then titles would appear on the screen, one by one, saying: “Playing” (referring to what they’re doing), “Golf” (referring to the cars).

Then there could be an ad pitch telling viewers they can get a Golf without putting (slicing?) a “hole” in their wallets.

GUM Flossers “Quija” (Joke) Ad

In the movie Ouija, there’s a scene where we see a character flossing her teeth in front of a bathroom mirror, and she’s using regular dental floss; and then an angry spirit makes her levitate off the floor and smashes her head into the sink, killing her.

So in this joke ad for GUM Flossers, we’d see someone flossing with regular dental floss, when a ghost would grab them and kill them. Then the announcer would say: “Look what happens to people who use regular dental floss: they are always killed horribly! Use GUM Flossers, and stay healthy; and keep especially healthy gums, too!”