Flomax Trump Pee Tape Joke Ad

In this (joke) ad for Flomax, we see the actual Trump/Russia pee tape, and it shows not Russian hookers peeing on each other, but instead Donald Trump demonstrating to Vladimir Putin how well he can pee now thanks to Flomax.

The Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster

Wouldn't it be so much fun, and hilarious, even, if the atheists who came up with the Flying Spaghetti Monster to make fun of the ridiculousness of God, when God is supposed to be fun and silly and happy and stuff because God is Love, were in fact divinely inspired by God Himself unbeknownst to themselves in their cynicism that God looks sort of like a flying spaghetti monster, but is actually a multi-tentacled alien creature composed of the hopes and dreams and loves and beauty of all of us all together at once in His mind all at the same time forever? I think so. And they might even laugh too when they realized how silly it all is, because it's supposed to be silly and fun, because God is love.

Trump's Band Name

Trump is having another rally tonight. I think if this were a concert instead of a rally, which it might as well be these days, I'm surprised it's not yet: after all, Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure predicted a band (based upon the Golden Rule, essentially) would become the saving grace and ruling party of the world (the opposite of Metalocalypse, I suppose), Trump's band could be called: "Rage Against Those Who Rage Against the Machine".

Dr. Scholl’s “Murder, My Feet” Ad (Proposed)

In this joke on the classic film noir detective movie Murder, My Sweet, based upon Raymond Chandler’s Philip Marlowe novel Farewell, My Lovely, a detective in a black & white noir TV spot sits in his office and tells us of his latest case: “I was hired to track a killer. I walked all over town looking for clues, but the only killer I found was the one killing my feet. I got a hot tip to look up a Dr. Scholl, and he set me straight. Now I use his inserts and I stopped the killer; the one that was killing my feet, anyway.”

Beer Icing the Kicker Ad (Proposed)

In an important field goal attempt at the end of a big football game, a kicker goes out to take the kick, but the other side takes a time out, and the announcer says: “They’re icing the kicker!” And the opposing team brings a giant cooler full of beer out onto the field and puts the kicker into it, where he relaxes and has one of the beers.

Joke Non-Alcoholic Beers Slogan

The Sanka of Beers!

Pepto Bismol Pink Elephants Ad (Proposed)

After a night of heavy partying, a guy wakes up with a headache and stomachache. He opens his eyes, holds his stomach, and sees a pair of cartoon pink elephants which say on them: “Pepto” and: “Bismol”. Then the announcer says: “Pink elephants are pink to remind you to take Pepto Bismol.”

Game of Thrones Bolton Peeler

Peels fruit, vegetables and people! The only one you'll ever need for all your peeling!

Walking Dead Gingerbread Men

They eat other gingerbread men.

Death Stars & Darth Vaders

Star Wars D&D

Bunburry Coat

It's like a Burberry coat you wear when Bunburrying, as in Oscar Wilde's The Importance of Being Earnest.

Tesla Stoplight Race Ad (Proposed)

Not that they need ads, but Teslas are very quick cars, and I thought a fun TV spot for a Tesla could show a Tesla driving up beside a muscle car, and the Tesla driver could pull out his smartphone and play a sound effect of a muscle car engine revving to challenge the other driver to a race. (Teslas are silent, so they could not rev their engine; but they’re very fast, so they’d probably beat any muscle car in a stoplight drag race.)

Dr. Scholl’s Odor X Inserts Cat Ad (Proposed)

A cat rapturously rubs its face all over a pair of its owner’s shoes, and we hear a voiceover say: “I love how your shoes smell! Please never use Dr. Scholl’s Odor X Inserts!”

Roger Stone Adds: "I Am Not a Crook" to Nixon Tattoo

Maciste's Muscle Milk

Match the machismo of Maciste with Maciste's Muscle Milk! For massive, mammoth muscles! Man-up-ulate your masculinity with Maciste's Muscle Milk!

Samson's Sandals

TCM has been running their Peplum, or Sword & Sandal movie festival this month, so I was trying to think of a fictitious product that could sponsor it, and I came up with Samson's Sandals:

The announcer says: "Walk in the footsteps of giants with Samson's Sandals!" And we see a smiling Samson holding a sandal in his giant hand, saying: "I'd topple a temple for a pair of Samson's Sandals!"

Super Blood Wolf Moon Lunar Eclipse Encore

This past weekend's Super Blood Wolf Moon caused by the Lunar Eclipse Saturday night was so popular that the moon has agreed to an encore performance this Saturday only for those who missed it and are tired of hearing everyone who saw it say how cool it was, and for everyone who caught it the first time, but want to see it again. Rumors that the moon will make this a weekly event are unfounded, the moon's new management company, Lunar Enterprises, Ltd., said today: "This is definitely, positively the last showing for the next two years, so see it while you can before it's gone!"

Ghost SAG

In a surprise move, ghost actors have unionized, forming the Spiritual Screen Actors Guild, or Ghost SAG, and is planning to sue studios over back residuals for otherworldly performers from ghost-themed shows like Ghost Hunters, Ghost Adventures, Paranormal Survivor, My Haunted House, etc. IATSE applauded this move, saying: “Just because they’re dead, it doesn’t mean they’re going to work for free. They’ve still got to be able to put the ectoplasm on the table somehow.”

Industry insiders claim this unexpected move could bankrupt the whole paranormal TV show industry, leaving no money left the compensate the spirits, but leading spiritual medium Claire Voyant claims the ghosts don’t really want the money, but wish the ghost hunting TV show genre to give up the ghost, as it were, so they’ll stop being bothered all the time by novice paranormal weekend warriors who are constantly invading their haunted houses endlessly nowadays thanks to these TV shows. “Haunting a house was a good way to keep people away in the past, but with the popularity of these shows turning that around into attracting people instead, ghosts are going to stop haunting houses altogether pretty soon,” warned the medium. But will this possibility lead to a new all-out “catch them while you can” ghost hunting mania? Check your local listings for all the latest ghost-hunting action to find out!

New Sports Team Names

Wow, what a ridiculous society we live in nowadays, with mob mentality and everyone hating and bullying each other online with death threats and stuff all the time. It seems like this stuff defines our country more than anything else, so why don’t we start naming our sports teams after it? We could have teams like the Trenton Twitter Trolls, the Sacramento Spree Shootings, the Denver Death Threats, the Houston Hate Speech, the Indianapolis Inappropriate Insults, the Raleigh Racist Rants, the San Antonio Sexist Slurs, the Fresno Fake News, the Phoenix Partisan Propaganda, the Anaheim Apoplectic Apologies, etc. And we could have the stars of the most famous cultural embarrassments of the year appear in person for the halftime shoes of the championship games.

Deliverance Ending Robot Chicken Style

We see the hand reach up through the water and Jon Voight wakes up from this nightmare in a panic, as in the movie. Then he gets up out of bed and goes into the bathroom, closes the door, breathes a sign of relief, and wipes the sweat from his brow. Then he leans down, lifts the lid off of the toilet, and a hand reaches up through the toilet water and grabs him by the throat and chokes him.