Oatmeal Billy Squier Ad (Proposed)

When I was a kid, there was a popular song on the radio by Billy Squier called: “The Stroke”. And in this song, the chorus was: “Stroke me, stroke me; Stroke!” Well, I thought it might make for a fun oatmeal ad to use this song’s chorus, and to have the chorus instead sing: “Oat meal, oatmeal; Oats!” And in between the lines, we could hear him sing extra stuff, like in the original song, such as: “They’re just so good for you!”, “You know they taste so good!”, “Taste like a winner they’ll make you want to eat them down!”, etc., with background singers chanting: “Oats! Oats! Oats!” afterwards, like in the break in the original song.

Here’s the original song, “The Stroke”, by Billy Squier (The chorus starts at 1:06):

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C_OGARBe6W0

Gas-X Monster Movie Ad (Proposed)

There are several fun monster movies where people try everything they can think of to stop or kill a monster, but nothing works, so they try gas to knock it out, and it works, like King Kong, for example. So I thought it might make a fun ad to show a scene from a movie like this where gas is used to stop a rampaging monster, and the announcer says: “Sometimes, having gas can be a good thing.” Then we see someone sitting in a crowded movie theater, and we hear a loud gas-related intestinal gurgle, and the announcer says: “And at other times, having gas can be a bad thing. To stop gas when it’s a bad thing, use Gas-X.”

And maybe the person with gas is in the theater watching the same movie referenced.

Pay Toilets EZ Pass

I heard somewhere that someone is considering bringing back the pay toilet. That’s really asinine, but if they do bring them back, they should create an EZ Pass for them, so you don’t have to have correct change just to go potty. And if they bring them back, here’s how they could advertise the EZ Pass:

“Now it’s EZ to pass urine and feces in pay toilets with the new Pay Toilet EZ Pass!”

I guess the pay toilet EZ Pass could be like a belt buckle or something that automatically opens the door to the stall for you when you approach it.

“The Leftovers” Final Episode

I was watching The Daily Show tonight, and the guest was Regina King from The HBO series The Leftovers, and they were talking about how they have no idea what the cause of the disappearing people was, and that’s what they like about the show. Well, it’s not what I like about the show, so I don’t watch it much anymore. But someday, I hope they’ll let us in on what happened to cause it all.

I have to say, I immediately assumed this was some Rapture type situation. But I hope that’s not what it ends up being. For the final episode, just to counter the media as always being Democratic Party propagandists narrative, I’d like to have it turn out that everyone who disappeared was kidnapped by governments around the world and put into FEMA camps, and that this is all President Obama’s doing. And he did it to punish them for being too conservative, which he found out about due to the worldwide NSA surveillance program. Oh, and the governments used chem trails to knock everyone out beforehand, just to bring all the silly right-wing conspiracies together.

If someone made that show, it would forever deflate the accusations of TV shows being liberal propaganda. And seriously, wouldn’t it be funny to see a liberal government conspiracy on TV for a change? I’ll bet that would generate a lot of hateful letters, but then also a lot of grateful letters from conservative viewers who I am sure would love to see the Democrats as the bad guys on a TV series for once.

(BTW: I’m an Independent, and I don’t like either party.)

The Beast with Four Fingers

(A Joke Ad for Hamburger Helper, based upon the 1946 horror movie: The Beast with Five Fingers)

In a spooky old villa full of vegans and vegetarians, a disembodied hand is causing havoc by lurking about, haunting the kitchen and corridors, and leaving around the house lots of different food dishes using hamburger in creative ways. When they see these meaty dishes, the meat-loathers scream in horror, repulsed by the hamburgery goodness displayed before them. What could this creature, accursed to vegetarians, be? Why, it’s none other than the Hamburger Helper Helping Hand! And it’s merely trying to show the villa’s occupants all the fun and disparate uses there are for ground beef! It’s not a monster after all! It’s just the residents of the building who are intolerant of this hand’s generosity! (Shame on them for looking a gift dish in the meat!) So who’s the real monster now?

The Hamburger Helper Helping Hand, as you may recall, has four, rather than five, fingers; like so:

https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/88/35/fb/8835fb2381626fffd5a8020096d14935.jpg

(This joke ad was also, obviously, inspired by the infamous Little Caesars “Meatsa Meatsa” ad that was pulled from TV in the 1990s.)

Creature from the Oil Spill Lagoon

We’ve had plenty remakes of the original Universal horror movies, but when will we see a remake of The Creature from the Black Lagoon? It could be very timely, what with the battle for clean energy raging and global warming taking center stage so often these days. And what better way to do it than to make it an environmental message horror movie by having the “Black Lagoon” become black due to an enormous oil spill. You see, it used to be the Blue Lagoon, and Brooke Shields and the Creature were having a wonderful time together, I mean, once she had coerced it into killing Christopher Atkins, that is. Just kidding about Brooke Shields and the Blue Lagoon; actually the Creature was from the Green Lagoon. And he would have lived happily ever after, except that some evil oil company was illegally drilling near the pristine lagoon, and what do you know but there was a huge oil spill, inundating the Creature’s natural habitat with thick crude oil. Well, that’s one rude awakening for the Creature, and there’s going to be one hell of a whoop-ass to pay!

That’s The Creature from the Oil Spill Lagoon, I mean, um, The Creature from the Black Lagoon remake: spilling soon into a theater near you!

(Actually, if they’re not planning to remake the movie, this would make for a good political ad for the environment.)

GoProProposalRefusals.com

There are websites springing up now to show all the elaborate prom and marriage proposals people are doing nowadays caught on GoPro cameras. But we don’t get to see the refusals, some of them elaborate. Surely some people get wind of the planned public proposal and plan elaborate public refusals of their own to film and which they’d like to post online, right? And so finally here’s the schadenfreude site everyone’s been waiting for: GoProProposalRefusals.com!

No longer will we only get to see the proposals that go right and make us feel bad about ourselves that we don’t get such proposals ourselves, for now we get to see these proposals go wrong and show us all the abject humiliation that occurs when they do! Yes, misery loves company, and that’s why there’s GoProProposalRefusals.com: the YouTube for elaborate proposal refusals!