Body Margarine

I see products called Body Butter everywhere. I’ve even gotten some as a gift. But what if you don’t want butter for whatever reason; is there Body Margarine? It should be an option.

Gout Out!

There’s a medication for gout called Allopurinol (or Zyloprim). I know I have seen ads for it on TV at one time, but I don’t remember, because the name is hard to remember. But if they called it: “Gout Out”, everyone would know what it was for, and they could far more easily ask for it by name wherever pharmaceuticals are sold. And ads could scream: “Suffering from the pain of gout? Don’t pout, shout out: ‘Gout Out’!”

Then there could be ads where gout is personified as an animated bully character called: “The Gout Lout”, and this malicious villain lives inside the bodies of people who suffer from gout, and he harasses and rips up parts of their body affected by gout. And then the ad says that when you’re the victim of the Gout Lout, take Gout Out, and shout: “Gout, Out!” and the gout will be forced out of your body by a bouncer whose job it is to throw out the Gout Lout.

Partisanshipwreck

It’s Partisanshipwreck, the thrilling disaster movie about a shipwreck and the poisonous effects of partisanship!

In this exciting action/drama/thriller/survival/disaster movie, a number of people take a cruise on a luxury cruise liner, but unfortunately the ship encounters a freak squall with high seas, and the ship goes down. Well, a handful of intrepid passengers has the requisite skillset to survive the sinking of their ship, and they find a remote desert island to dwell upon; however, in order to survive on the island, they must work together, for each of them possesses but one necessary skill of many to survive the island’s unforgiving environment. But because they have met before briefly, and they know they support different political parties, they instantly hate each other through the prejudice of their hyper-partisanship; and due to the fact that they support different political candidates and have differing preferred government policies, the more they know about one another, the more their hatred grows with a deep and burning loathing, so they refuse not only to work together, but even to speak to one another. And in fact, they do not wait for the elements and predators to kill them: with no justice system present to prevent it, they kill each other over their political differences, rather than cooperate to survive.

And so they all die tragically, due to their inflexible partisan bigotry: oh the humanity. (Or does it count as tragic if they do it to themselves due to the completely avoidable judgmental intolerance of partisanship? Hmm, it seems like maybe they deserved their fate, doesn’t it? And by the way, this looks to me like why we are so divided as a country, and why we can’t get anything accomplished in government anymore: we won’t even talk to each other nor respect one another’s points of view.)

Actually, at the end it is revealed that two of the group decide to work together despite their ferocious disagreement on political issues, and they survive separately from the others, due solely to their cooperation. (A fantasy, I know; but at least it’s inspirational, if unbelievable.)

And so, finally there’s a movie for people who cannot stand the poison of partisanship and its resultant bigotry and prejudiced hatred, where they can watch people get their just desserts for being brainwashed into such unnecessary hatred of their fellow man over things that everyone should have a natural human right to: political opinions and expression (and, if they so choose, activism). And for a change that’s nice to witness: the overly partisan people are harmed by their own intolerance, rather than them harming everyone else with it.

It’s like Lord of the Flies, but this time around all the people acting like children are adults.

(I’m very tired of partisanship; can you tell? Our whole political landscape looks like a partisanshipwreck, both publicly and governmentally, and it is definitely not helpful.)

Step Down: The Movie Series

The Step Up movies have done such great business, producers now want a new series with the word “step” in it, and the recent resignations of Attorney General Eric Holder and Secret Service head Julia Pierson have suggested an idea and title for the series: Step Down.

So the Step Down movies will be about dancers who also are government bureaucrats, and when they get into positions of great responsibility, the pressure and stress of their job gets to them, and they have to go dancing to let off steam. Oh, but their love of dancing gets the better of them, and the more they step up to dance, the less they step up to meet their responsibilities and perform their bureaucratic functions, and so everything falls apart at their job and, as a result, the department they are in charge of cannot function, and bad things happen. And the more things go wrong at work, the more our heroes are forced to lie, cheat and cover things up, leading to further disasters. And so ultimately the hero characters are forced to engage in a literal representation of the movie series title as they: Step Down.

The Step Down movie series would be non-partisan in all, but each entry would focus on one party, with Republicans dancing ballroom dancing at cotillions, Democrats dancing the more contemporary popular hip-hop and street dancing styles, and Independents slam dancing and doing the pogo to punk rock and (of course) independent, while the Tea Party engages in line dancing to country music, and the Green Party dances to activist anthems. And the more dancing saturates politics, the more it saturates the political spectrum, with new political parties being formed out of a love for certain types of music and dance, like the Goth Party, the Club Kids Party, the House Party, the Break Beat Party, the Trip Hop Party, the Emo Party, the Electronica Party, etc. And each party gets its own movie. (And the series would be extra inspirational, despite the failure of the main characters, because third party candidates would actually win the presidency. It’s also how you can tell it’s fictional.)

Just think of it: great dancing, incompetent and corrupt bureaucracy, the drama of oversight committee grillings and evasive testimony, the partisanship of news agencies aiding in covering up incompetence and malfeasance, and the pathos of crushing rejection and the resignation of their own resignation. It’s all the dancing drama you can handle, it’s: Step Down, the all-dancing political musical movie series for everyone of all political stripes!

The movies would be titled as follows:

Step Down: Into the Country Club Ballroom (Republican feature)

Step Down 2: The Streets (Democrat feature)

Step Down, You Punk (Independent feature)

Step Down, for the Country (Tea Party feature)

Step Down, for the Environment (Green Party feature)

Step Down, for the Greater Good (Socialist feature)

The Fantastic Four Playing Twister (A Sketch Idea for Robot Chicken)

The Fantastic Four are playing Twister. As the game progresses, Reed Richard, Mr. Fantastic, stretches himself into ridiculous shapes, with long, spaghettiesque extremities in a literal representation of the game’s title. Then, Sue Storm, the Invisible Girl, who is invisible, says she has achieved the requisite position after her turn reveals a nearly impossible assignment; the others ask how they know she’s not cheating, and she accuses them of sexism, so they shut up and accept her claim. Well, Johnny Storm, the Human Torch, can’t compete with that, so at the next difficult assignment he spins, he ignites his body, sending the others running away for cover; that is except for Ben Grimm, the Thing, who upon feeling the burn punches Johnny hard and sends him barreling through the air, tumbling away from the Twister board. Then Ben Grimm says: “I win! I’m the only one left!” at which point Sue Storm says: “I wouldn’t be too sure of that,” and she materializes in exactly the position she should have been in all along. Then Ben steps back, and Sue, still in position, says: “I win!” And the others all grouse about how it’s not fair that she’s invisible.

Clear Eyes “The Eyes Are the Windows of the Soul” Ad (Proposed)

In this proposed ad for Clear Eyes brand eye drops, the announcer says: "The eyes are the windows of the soul; keep them clear, and let the light in, with Clear Eyes!"

Another ad in this campaign would have the announcer say: "The eyes are the windows of the soul; keep them clear, and let your inner beauty shine through, with Clear Eyes!"

And in yet another ad in this campaign, we'd see someone wake up, and in a POV shot, we'd see that their vision is blurry and dark, and then we cut back to watch them put some Clear Eyes eye drops in their eyes, and then we'd see a cartoon of two window washers on a scaffold, and they wash a giant plate glass window to a spotless clean, and then we zoom out to see that the window is a giant eye. The  we'd cut back to the person putting down the bottle of Clear Eyes, and then we'd cut to their POV again, and their vision would be clear, sharp and perfect.

(BTW: I don't know if this has been done before in an ad for Clear Eyes; if so, I have not seen it. But it's the first thing that came to my mind and I thought would work well concept-wise for Clear Eyes eye drops. And I use eye drops every day due to a mild eye allergy, so I do think about this stuff whether I like it or not.)

Electric Razor Mean Mr. Mustache Ad (Proposed)

Mean Mr. Mustache is a man with a finely coiffed mustache, but he’s always grumpy because it’s so much trouble to keep his mustache looking good with his traditional disposable razor, especially the multi-bladed ones that get all clogged-up with beard hair and are difficult to judge where the blades’ shaving will begin cleanly. And all that leaning over the sink he has to do hurts his back and makes him cross and surly. But then someone gives Mean Mr. Mustache an electric razor for Christmas that allows him to keep and trim his mustache in seconds with no worries or effort. And so Mean Mr. Mustache becomes Nice Mr. Neighbor, and all is right with the world, thanks to (whatever brand) electric razor.