Geico Europe “The Final Countdown” Ad

I like this Geico ad featuring the band Europe playing their hit 1986 song: “The Final Countdown” accompanying a man in a work break room waiting as he heats up a burrito in a microwave. It’s cute. But I think it might be a good idea for Gecio to shelve this spot for a little while, seeing as how pyrotechnic sparklers like the ones used in this ad, used in a small space as seen here, were the cause of a deadly nightclub fire recently (Oct. 30, 2015) at the Colectiv in Bucharest, Romania, and the story is all over the news.

Now, obviously Geico is not referencing this incident, and this ad was made way before the Romanian nightclub fire, but seeing as how it could easily make us think of the fire, it might be in good taste to take it out of rotation for the time being. Also, there was an even deadlier club fire in West Warwick, Rhode Island, at the Station nightclub in 2003 where twice as many people died from exactly the same cause: pyrotechnic sparklers igniting flammable sound foam inside a small venue, and people might think of that too. And if advertising makes you think of something negative, rather than the message they’re trying to send, maybe it’s not doing its job as well as it could.

(This ad already made me think of the Station nightclub fire, but then this Colectiv nightclub fire happened from the same cause: pyrotechnic sparklers in a small room, and when I saw this ad again after that, it just seemed a bit off color. Cute idea and everything, just lose the sparklers.)

If your ad’s joke reminds people of a tragic accident that recently happened, you pull it from rotation; it’s what you do. If you want to save 15% or more on car insurance, you switch to Geico; it’s what you do.

(You know, it seems like there ought to be someone working for the ad agency who would notice things like this and handle them so we won’t notice them.)

Here’s the pyrotechnic piece:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iH1biQdyiQI

And here are the nightclub fires I’m referring to:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Colectiv_nightclub_fire

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Station_nightclub_fire

Altoids Sleeping Beauty Ad (Proposed)

The Handsome Prince comes to wake Sleeping Beauty with True Love’s First Kiss, but when he goes to kiss her, her breath stinks, since she’s been a sleep for a long time. So the Handsome Prince takes a tin of Altoids mints from his pocket, and he puts one in Sleeping Beauty’s mouth. Then he kisses her with True Love’s First Kiss, and she awakens, and they live happily ever after. (And in a joke tag, Sleeping Beauty says to the Handsome Prince: “You kissed me while I was unconscious? You really think that was okay?” And the Handsome Prince says: “But, that’s what the fairy tale said to do…” And Sleeping Beauty says: “Yeah, maybe; but this is real life, not a fairy tale.” And the Handsome Prince says: “But didn’t I save the day?” to which Sleeping Beauty replies: “Yes, but that’s not the point.”)

TCM Wine Club

I love that there is a TCM Wine Club, even though I don’t really like wine very much. (The sulfites give me a headache.) But I find it to no end amusing that they are presuming to pair wines with specific movies. If they’re going to do this, then I think they should add wines like Mad Dog, Thunderbird, and Night Train, and pair them to movies like The Bride of the Monster, Kitten with a Whip, and Murder in the Private Car, respectively. And if you don’t like those choices, then how about The Omen, Thunderbirds Are GO, and Night Train to Munich, respectively? At least there’s a tentative connection between them, either thematically or name/plot-wise. Or maybe they should call that the TCM Wino Club.

And where’s The Bride of Frankenstein in this collection? They could say: “Uncorking this fine wine wile watching The Bride of Frankenstein will have you saying: ‘Wine… Good!’ too!” (I guess they couldn’t use Dracula, because he says: “I never drink… wine.” But they could use it to segue into their next club, by saying: “Never drink wine? Then you’ll love the TCM {cigar or liquor} Club!”)

Then they could start the TCM Cigar Club with the Frankenstein monster saying: “Smoke… Good!” (The Cuba embargo is being lifted, I believe, so maybe this will happen soon?) And tons of other movies, especially older ones, have lots of cigars in them.

BTW: I don’t know what the recommendations are for the TCM Wine Club or how they were reached, but I thought I’d make fun of them anyway.

Hey, how about a TCM Liquor Club? (<Or the TCM Speakeasy) They could send vodka for martinis and pair it with any James Bond movie (shaken not stirred), Scotch and/or rye and pair it with any Humphrey Bogart movie, gin and pair it with The Bride of Frankenstein (“Gin; it’s my only weakness.”) or The Thin Man, bourbon and pair it with The Hideous Sun Demon, absinthe and pair it with Moulin Rouge (the John Huston one, from 1952: the movie that broke Technicolor’s stranglehold over color consultation), and maybe Jägermeister paired with a test pattern.

There’s actually a lot more liquor drinking in classic movies than there is wine, so I’d think a TCM Liquor Club would make more sense, actually. I am very well-versed in my classic movies, but somehow I didn’t really pay enough attention to who drank what in what movie when I was growing up. Maybe I should pay more attention next time.

Then maybe TCM could have a secret TCM Narcotics Club, where they pair marijuana with Reefer Madness and Cheech and Chong movies, cocaine with Super Fly and Scarface, heroin with A Hatful of Rain, The Man with the Golden Arm, Enter the Dragon and The French Connection, LSD with The Trip and Easy Rider, crack with New Jack City, etc.

Cat Food Blofeld Ad (Joke/Proposed)

The James Bond movie villain Blofeld, we all know, has a fluffy white cat. And seeing as how Blofeld always does everything on a grand scale, I thought it might be fun to have a cat food ad where Blofeld has his henchmen kidnap the heads of many different cat food companies to see which cat food pleases his cat. And so cat food company president after cat food company president would present Blofeld’s cat with their best cat food, and the cat would sniff it and walk away, which leads to their merciless, brutal execution-style killings (pushed into a tank of hungry piranhas, fed to a roomful of starving rabid dogs, tied down naked and put into a cage of vultures, etc., with Blofeld saying after each one: "It seems my friend, you are tastier than your cat food."). But finally one brand of cat food would please Blofeld’s cat (the last one, obviously), and then Blofeld would threaten the world into selling this one brand of cat food only from now on, or else he’ll destroy the world or something. (<He’s always threatening to destroy the world if his demands aren’t met, but he never does it; but when it comes to pleasing the cat he loves, he really might do it this time…! Yikes!)

Thor Soap Ad (Proposed)

I was watching a late night comedy show recently where someone said that in the movies Thor is always coming out of the shower, and then someone else said that’s good, because he’s so attractive. But this made me think of something else: maybe Thor is always in the shower because cleanliness is next to godliness, and Thor is a Norse god. And then that made me think that Thor might make a great soap spokesman, and that they could use scenes like him coming out of the shower from the movies as the perfect springboard for a movie tie-in ad for some brand of soap, and after emerging from the shower, all beefcakey and all, Thor (Chris Hemsworth) could say: “Cleanliness is next to godliness, and I ought to know: I’m Thor, and I’m a Norse god. That’s why I use (whatever brand of) soap: it gives me that godly clean every time. And it will for you, too, whether you be god or mortal!”

Black Flag Ant-Man Ad (Joke/Proposed)

In a scene that looks like it’s from a trailer for the movie Ant-Man, we see a villain’s efforts wreaking havoc in a city, and Ant-Man gets ready and flies off to save the day! But, while he’s flying to the rescue, a hand pops into the frame holding a container of Black Flag Ant & Roach Killer and it sprays Ant-Man, killing him and the ant he rode in on. Then the announcer says: “Black Flag Ant & Roach Killer kills ants on contact; even Ant-Man.”

Oatmeal Billy Squier Ad (Proposed)

When I was a kid, there was a popular song on the radio by Billy Squier called: “The Stroke”. And in this song, the chorus was: “Stroke me, stroke me; Stroke!” Well, I thought it might make for a fun oatmeal ad to use this song’s chorus, and to have the chorus instead sing: “Oat meal, oatmeal; Oats!” And in between the lines, we could hear him sing extra stuff, like in the original song, such as: “They’re just so good for you!”, “You know they taste so good!”, “Taste like a winner they’ll make you want to eat them down!”, etc., with background singers chanting: “Oats! Oats! Oats!” afterwards, like in the break in the original song.

Here’s the original song, “The Stroke”, by Billy Squier (The chorus starts at 1:06):

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C_OGARBe6W0