New Kanye West Video Game?

From what I understand, the greatest genius of this or any generation is in debt for $53 Million. Never mind how he got there, because he’s a genius, and only a genius could figure out how someone could actually acquire a debt of $53 Million when they were already super rich before. But in any case, I believe I have the solution.

Kim Kardashian had her mobile video game: remember? That thing charged mega bucks to be able to even play it, and it was all so that you could become a celebrity, or a virtual one, anyway. So I think Kanye should create a video game like Kim’s that charges people ridiculous sums of money to play it.

But what kind of video game would make people pay to play these days? Well, every time Kanye lets out with one of his zingers, everyone sits up and takes notice. And so I think this video game would have him steal the microphone from award winners at all kinds of award shows and diss them, go on TV and smear celebrities, claim he’s the bestest ever at whatever and then list a bunch of famous, culture-defining people who aren’t as good as him at anything, etc. And if you want to hear what he’s going to say, you have to pay a surcharge. In fact, if he kept his mouth shut and just told everyone to play the game, I’ll bet everyone would just to hear his outrageous verbal diarrhea, and in no time, he’d not only wipe out his $53 Million debt, he’s be super rich again.

But it’s just an idea… (And he’s welcome to do this if he wants to: knock yourself out. I am happy to help him become rich again so long as I don’t have to hear his music.)

Humira Ulcerative Colitis Ad (Proposed)

I keep seeing this silly ad for Humira where some woman talks about her moderate-to-severe ulcerative colitis. Nobody says stuff like that in real life. But later, she abbreviates ulcerative colitis to: “UC”, and that gave me an idea.

Why not have her talk about things she couldn’t do because she had ulcerative colitis, and she could say: “I couldn’t do that anymore because, you see, I have UC: ulcerative colitis.” Then she could do the spiel about Humira, and then she could say that now she can do all the stuff she likes to do again, adding: “I have UC, but you see, I also have Humira now. And it gave me my life back.”

Wouldn’t that work better than what they’re doing now?

Here’s the current humira spot for U to C:

http://www.ispot.tv/ad/7UFF/humira-day-at-the-fair

A Couple of Questions About “Logan’s Run”

TCM showed Logan’s Run (1976) again recently as part of their Oscars celebration. (It won a special achievement award Oscar for visual effects. If only they had known what was coming the next year {Star Wars}, would they have granted such an award to Logan’s Run? Hard to know…) And upon seeing it again, it made me wonder about a couple of things.

First of all, this movie takes place in a completely homogenous society inside a series of domes that’s completely cut off from the outside world, and yet they’ve got two people who speak with British accents: Michael York and Jenny Agutter. How could this possibly happen in such a situation, with everyone else speaking in American accents, and with all children brought up in a rigorous system automated by computers that also speak with American accents? (Maybe the casting people said they had to have a leading man with a large nose bridge, and Michael York was the only one they could find, and accents be damned?)

Then, at the beginning of the film, we see the city’s domes, and then we see inside the domes, and the city is kind of like a large version of Disney World, with silly-looking buildings connected by tubes (in place of a monorail) carrying cars and such around. But a little bit later in the film, we see that for sexual encounters, all anyone has to do is put themselves into a queue, and they’re instantly transported to whoever wants them. So they have transporter technology, but they only use it for sex hookups, and everyone still has to drive to work, or anywhere else? Why would anyone do that? If you can transport for sex, then why not for work? (Maybe it’s to remind everyone that work is not supposed to be fun, and also so you can still get in trouble for being late? And, yes, I know they say it’s a hedonistic society where nobody works, but that’s not true, as the Sandmen work, the guys who clean up the runner’s dead bodies the Sandmen kill work, the maintenance guys who have to patch up all the laser blast holes in the walls the Sandmen shoot work, the computer people work, the plastic surgery people work, etc. A lot of people here have jobs, despite the claim that: “mankind lives only for pleasure,” and: “the servo-mechanisms provide everything.” Maybe people there love their jobs so much, they do it for pleasure alone and they don’t get paid? Is that what they mean? Because a lot of people have jobs in this domed city, as we can clearly see. And apparently, they still have to commute to work despite transporter technology that’s clearly available for sexual encounters.)

Here in Los Angeles, we have billboard signs advertising apartment buildings that sit by clogged thoroughfares, and they say: "If you lived here, you'd be home by now!" In the domed city, maybe they have signs that say: "If you were going to have sex instead of going to work, you'd be there by now!" You know, just to rub it in.

StarKist Heart Smart Tuna Creations Ad

Wow, a few years ago StarKist showed Charlie, their inept tuna mascot, being the chef who prepares their new stuff. I called foul, pointing out that Charlie was an incompetent scam artist with the extremely specific death wish of wanting to be killed, packaged, sold and served as StarKist tuna, but that they could have said in that ad campaign that Charlie was tired of always being a loser, so he went to culinary school and is now a master chef. But they didn’t do that.

Instead, they did this: they went back to showing Charlie as a loser con man. And just when I thought maybe Charlie had gotten his life together and become somebody! Oh, well: I guess I was right the first time: he was just impersonating a chef like he always used to impersonate other types of people all the time to try to get caught, killed, filleted, canned, packaged, sold and served as StarKist. (I knew it all the time that he was not a real chef! Shame on them for trying to trick us!)

Here’s the new ad that uses the old campaign, finally admitting I was right about Charlie posing as a fake chef in their recent ad campaign:

http://www.ispot.tv/ad/AZzq/starkist-sorry-charlie

And these are my previous posts about Charlie’s chef ad campaign:

http://unconditionedresponse.blogspot.com/2011/04/sorry-charlie.html

http://unconditionedresponse.blogspot.com/2012/04/thanks-charlie-for-star-kist-seasations.html

BTW: I don’t mean to give them a hard time, but all they had to do was say he got tired of being a loser, so he went to culinary school, and Charlie as a chef would have worked. But they did not bother to do that, and now that he’s back as his usual old scammer self, it completely makes a joke of their previous attempts to say he was a chef. Or maybe nobody remembers just a few short years back?

So what is it: Charlie is a master chef responsible for StarKist cuisine, or he’s a con man reprobate trying to get himself killed so he can be in StarKist tuna.

Hey, maybe they could say Charlie is still the con man, but he had a son, and he’s the chef… That would clear things up for us.

Or maybe I’m the only one who wants advertising to make sense.

Levi’s Wedgie Fit Jeans

When I was a kid in school, wedgies were big; but you’d have to deserve it to get one. You’d have to be obnoxious, annoying, maybe a loudmouth: whatever. But now you can just buy jeans that give you a wedgie without earning one? What is this world coming to when people can get wedgies without deserving them? (Is this like the jeans version of a participation trophy?)

What’s next? Maybe purple nurple fit shirts and nugie hats? Your clothes abuse you now, so bullies don’t have to!

I guess now we have outsourced all the bully jobs too.

Toyota Prius Superbowl Ad

Yes! The Toyota Prius will help you get away with crimes! Just watch the ad!

The Toyota pickup trucks help terrorist groups, as we all know. But I didn’t know Toyota’s new push was to get American criminals to buy their cars for their crimes too.

But it’s not a bad strategy, I guess. After all, Toyota pickup trucks are the #1 brand terrorists drive by choice, so I guess it was only natural they wanted to get into the domestic US criminal market. Maybe homegrown terrorists drive them too?

Um, I hope it doesn’t work for them?

(The ad was obviously a joke, and it is fun and cute, but when you think about all the terrorists driving Toyota pickups trucks, I think it’s pretty tasteless. Don’t you? They can pretend this is not an issue, but it really is. Why do they sell so many trucks to terrorists? What the hell, guys? Should we not sanction them at this point? Or is it like selling weapons to rogue nations: no harm, no foul?)

Here’s the criminal conspiracy commercial:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MYeM-8hO3hM

Jack Daniel’s Frank Sinatra Ad (And Proposed Knob Creek Ad)

I honestly think this is one of the great TV ads of recent years. (See below if you don’t know it.)

But did Frank Sinatra ever make ads for Jack Daniel’s when he was alive? (I don’t remember any.) And if not, then couldn’t anyone put him in an ad?

Like, for example, couldn’t Knob Creek (probably the best bourbon today, except maybe Angel Wings or Hudson Baby Bourbon) make an ad saying that maybe Frank Sinatra drank Jack Daniel’s, but that’s only because there was no Knob Creek yet, and to prove their point, they could get some psychic to use a Ouija board to contact him, saying: “Do you still think Jack Daniel’s is the best bourbon?” And then they’d move the planchette to: “No.” Then they’d ask: “If Knob Creek had been around when you were alive, would you have wanted that instead?” And then they’d move the planchette to: “Yes.” Then they’d ask: “Do you think Knob Creek is the best bourbon in the world now?” And then they’d move the planchette to: “Yes.” (Etc. You get the idea.)

But you get my point: dead people cannot speak for themselves anymore. It is well known that most of the great Impressionists drank absinthe. But if they were here today, would they recommend we do it too? Maybe not: who knows?

Would Sid Vicious recommend heroin? I doubt it, even though he most certainly used it himself. But people own brands associated with dead people now, so they can totally endorse anything other people want them to, even if it makes them spin in their graves.

But I still love this Jack Daniel’s Frank Sinatra ad anyway. I’m just making a point.

This is the great Jack Daniel’s Frank Sinatra ad:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B3m1xMrqOlE

BTW: I love Knob Creek, but if you drink it, remember it’s 100 proof. It tastes so good, it’s easy to overdo it, and then: “Ouch!” I wish they’d make an 80 proof version for all the lightweights out there.