Hellrazor

The Hellrazor is the razor that shaves your skin off so you can get the look like that flayed guy from the movie Hellraiser.

Guaranteed to shave you closer than a blade or your money back!

The Shaft of Hypocrites

We’ve doubtless all heard of the Staff of Hippocrates (also known as the Rod of Asclepius), a rod entwined with a serpent, which symbolizes the medical profession (for some strange reason: why would a snake coiled around a stick be associated with medicine?). And for partisan politics, a field populated with politicians, pundits and partisan propagandists masquerading as news anchors and commentators, the symbol is the Shaft of Hypocrites, by which they give the rest of us “the shaft”. The shaft symbolizes the shaft we the public get from these dishonest spin doctors, and it looks like a microphone stand with a microphone at the top of it, with poisonous snakes twisted around it, symbolizing how their words poison society with the venom of partisan hatred, spin and lies.

The Hypocritic Oath

Doctors famously must take the Hippocratic Oath, swearing to uphold a system of medical ethics. And politicians and partisan pundits infamously must take the Hypocritic Oath, swearing and promising always to behave in a deceptive, sanctimonious and hypocritical manner in all their partisan political dealings.

Face Cleanser “All About That Face” Ad (Proposed)

This spot would use a slightly altered version of the Meghan Trainor song: “All About That Bass” that sings about how the product is: “All about that face.”

Preparation H Butt Hurt Ad (Joke/Proposed)

This joke ad would ask viewers the question and offer the suggestion: “(Are you) ‘butt hurt’? Use Preparation H!”

(Actually, this might make for a fun real ad for Preparation H, or for some other hemorrhoid medication or rectal numbing agent.)

How They Screw Ya’ Chorus Ad (Joke/Proposed)

(To the tune of the Hallelujah Chorus)

How They Screw Ya’,

How They Screw Ya’,

How They Screw Ya’, How They Screw Ya’, How They Scre-e-e-ew Ya’!

How They Screw Ya’,

How They Screw Ya’,

How They Screw Ya’, How They Screw Ya’, How They Scre-e-e-ew Ya’!

This could be used in an ad for a service where the singing is in reference to how a cable company or a cell phone carrier contract screws the customer, so switch to (whatever) service/company to stop getting screwed. This could work especially well for an internet TV streaming service (like Hulu) that enables customers to “cut the cord” and cancel their expensive cable subscriptions.

Bejeweled Video Game: The Movie!

In this upcoming thrilling and fascinating feature film based upon the exciting video game Bejeweled, independent precious stone and gold miners endeavor to find and mine jewels and gold on their own individual claims before a huge international mining conglomerate can bribe their way into strip-mining the entire area to monopolize the mining industry bit by bit until the mammoth corporation owns the mining rights, and by extension the ownership of every last gemstone and nugget of precious metals, to every square inch of the entire world.