Last night on The Nightly Show, Larry Wilmore said ISIS's recent money crunch means they can no longer provide their fighters with energy drinks and Snickers bars, and I thought: "Wow? Snickers? Do they send them to ISIS for product placement?" And then I realized that this would make the best ever: "You're not yourself when you're hungry" ads for Snickers!
First, we could see some guy like Jihadi John cutting people's heads off, and the next victim in line hands him a Snickers, he eats it, and then he turns into some normal flabby dude. Then we hear the bit about how you're not you when you're hungry, yada yada, so buy Snickers. But then he still cuts the guy's head off anyway for feeding him something that could lead to obesity while he's on a diet.
Then, in the next ad, a suicide bomber is about to set off their bomb vest in a crowded bus terminal when someone hands him a Snickers, he eats it, and then he turns into some normal guy. Then we get the spiel about how you're not you when you're hungry, and eat a Snickers, etc. He's still wearing the bomb vest, though, so the cops shoot and kill him anyway.
Then in the next vignette, an ISIS propagandist is ranting against America and trying to encourage supporters to conduct "lone wolf-style attacks", and then he turns to his lieutenant and says he's hungry and not feeling like himself, so the lieutenant hands him a Snickers bar, he eats it, and he turns into a way less radical-looking guy. Then we get the voiceover guy telling us we're not ourselves when we're hungry, and the guy now says he still hates America, but not quite as much as before, and no matter what, people inspired by ISIS should under no circumstances attack a Snickers manufacturer or distributor.
How does that sound, Snickers? Don't you want to exploit this new story for maximum advertising potential? No? Oh, well: just let this lark slip through your fingers, then.
