Thursday, May 18, 2017

Adult Floaties Fashions

News articles are criticizing a new fashion trend being displayed in Australia during Sydney Fashion Week: Swimsuits that come with their own arm floaties like kids use when they first learn to swim. People are positively making fun of these new design elements. But are they necessary? Well, for fashion models, they probably are.

Look, fashion models have no body fat, so they’d sink like a stone in the water. Plus, they never eat anything, so if they fell off a boat they wouldn’t have the energy to swim, and they’d drown. This must be the thinking behind these new fashion floaties.

Maybe all of this brand’s swimsuit models drowned when they fell in the water at a pool party last year or something? They’re only trying to save lives here, people! I thought saving lives was always in fashion. You mean it’s not? (If enough people hate them for being so skinny, maybe they can get these fashionable floaties discontinued.)

Here’s the buoyant bathing suits bit:

(This has to be the only time I have ever read an article in Teen Vogue. No, really. Okay, maybe once before, but don’t tell anyone. Just kidding. Tell everyone.)