We keep hearing about climate change being caused by carbon
dioxide. And the number one source of carbon dioxide in the atmosphere is
obviously carbonated soft drinks, right? (Yes it is! Nobody wants to admit it
because of the soda cartel lobby, but it’s true!) Not only do soft drinks make
us fat and give us diabetes, they also cause global warming!
Oh, but now there’s a solution: oxygenated soft drinks! The
more of them you drink, the more oxygen goes back into the environment,
reversing catastrophic climate change! Sure, they still case obesity and
diabetes and stuff, but isn’t that a small price to pay to fix the environment?
