That Foresight Woman

There’s a movie called: That Forsyte Woman (from 1949), and that made me think of a new character: “That Foresight Woman”: a superheroine of foresight.

So That Foresight Woman is a mild-mannered mother and housewife who uses her superpowers everyday to help her family, telling them not to forget their homework, not to forget their keys, not to forget to bring an umbrella if it’s going to rain, etc.

But after her family leaves for school and work, she changes into That Foresight Woman, advising the military about what to do about rogue nations, economic threats, hacking of government computer systems, etc., because she always can predict what’s coming next. (She even predicted the last presidential election, but nobody believed her!)

And then, after saving the world with her pre-cognitive superpowers, she goes back home and accurately predicts what her kids want for dinner, who shirked their homework, and which of her kids might be planning to joyride in the family car or sneak out this weekend.

(BTW: I think the idea of That Foresight Woman, showing a mom reminding her kids and husband what to bring with them when they forget would be a really fun ad for the P&G “Proud Sponsor of Moms” ad campaign.)

Tic Tac Orange Chattering Teeth Ad

I imagine a lot of people will find this spot annoying. But me: I love it!

Music experts very often say that if a tune gets stuck in your head, then it’s great. Well, they’re wrong. Lots of lousy songs get stuck in my head, and many of my friends say the same thing happens to them all the time.

But if an ad stays in your head, it just helps you remember the product, and that means there’s a much higher chance you’re going to buy it.

So I think this ad is a hit. The only questions I have for the creative who conceived of this ad are: 1.) So we should always immediately chew up Tic Tacs? And: 2.) Why don’t chattering teeth like other Tic Tac flavors? (Maybe we shouldn’t like them either?)

I like flapping my gums, so I always do whatever chattering teeth say to do.

Here’s the chattering commercial:

https://www.ispot.tv/ad/Ashb/tic-tac-lucky-door

Dentek Nutcracker Ad

If you read this blog, then you know my rules for advertising, which are to communicate why anyone would want the product, in a fun or memorable way, and if possible why they should buy the advertised brand versus another brand. Most advertising is not successful on one or the other. But this one is a prime example of the first part: to communicate why someone might want to buy the product.

This spot shows a nutcracker in bed, trying to sleep, but the tooth grinding makes it impossible.

Perfect. It gives you an unforgettable image of why you might need a mouth guard in one image. It’s so succinct, it would make an equally good print ad. I hope they’re doing it as a print ad too.

The only thing it doesn’t do (which most ads, even my own, don’t do) is to show us (or explain) why we should buy this particular brand versus another one. But like I said, almost no ads do that ever anyway, so it’s hardly to its detriment.

Here’s the tooth-grinding commercial:

https://www.ispot.tv/ad/A47i/dentek-maximum-protection-dental-guard-cracking-nuts

(I thought maybe the nutcracker guy in this ad couldn’t sleep because he was worried Mr. Peanut would break into his home and get revenge for when he bit Mr. Peanut before.)

(BTW: My rules for advertising are as follows: Show in a simple & funny/memorable manner why someone would want the product, and if possible, why they should buy this brand as opposed to another brand. It's amazing how many ads do not adhere to either of these scenarios.)

JetBlue United Airlines Overbooking Ad (Joke/Proposed)

United Airlines overbooked a flight so badly recently that they had a customer violently dragged off of the plane. This made the news, and caused the CEO to apologize, saying: “No one should ever be mistreated this way.”

An ad for a competing airline could cite the United Airlines CEO’s quote and then say: “That’s right! Passengers should never be mistreated like that! They should only be mistreated like this!” And then they list a number of ways United Airlines is mistreating their passengers, such as sub economy seating with no legroom and no (and I mean no) frills, routinely overbooking flights so people get their seats canceled and have to take another flight, etc.

Then the ad says that if you’d rather avoid this type of mistreatment by United, fly (whichever airline; I would suggest JetBlue).

Here’s a news story about the incident and the CEO’s apology:

https://www.yahoo.com/news/united-ceo-apologizes-full-no-one-ever-mistreated-way-200648829.html

Mark of the Wry Lance

Mark of the Wry Lance: Starring Mark Rylance: A story about a Zorro/Robin Hood type hero operating in 16th Century England. He rides on horseback, using a lance as a weapon, helping the poor and downtrodden peasants and out of favor nobility and leaving behind a mocking, wry lance mark on all foes he defeats in battle.

(Writing on defeated foes with a lance turns out to be quite the difficult skill to master!)

Cat Treats Treat Trot Ad (Proposed)

A cat tries its best to lead its owners into the kitchen where the treats are every time anyone gives her any attention, and the family who owns her says to each other about this attempt on her part to keep getting more treats: “There she goes again with the ‘Treat Trot’. Always trying to lure us back into the kitchen where the treats are.” And eventually one of the family caves to their cat’s desires and follows her into the kitchen to give her some cat treats. Then the announcer says: “Cats will try anything to try to get more (whatever brand of) cat treats! Cats just love them!”

(My sister has a little cat that’s super cute, and she tries to lure us into the kitchen every time she gets our attention because she just can’t get enough cat treats.)

Cat Treats Sylvester Ads (Joke/Proposed)

In Warner Brothers cartoons, we see Sylvester the Cat doing all kind of crazy stunts to try to get to Tweety Bird. So in this spot for a brand of cat treats, we’d see clips like the ones from Sylvester’s Warner Brothers cartoons where Sylvester tries all kind of hazardous things to get to a bag of treats, and each time Granny catches him and stops him, saying: “Shame on you, Sylvester! You know you’re not supposed to have so many treats!” And then, eventually, Granny feels sorry for Sylvester and gives him some more treats, saying: “Okay, okay, you can have some more treats. I see you working so hard to get them, so I think you’ve earned them.”

In a further spot in this ad campaign, we see a joke version of the Sylvester cartoon: “Birds Anonymous”, only this time it’s “Treats Anonymous”, showing a group of cats who meet regularly to help curb their appetite for cat treats. But as hard as they try, they can’t help themselves. And as a tag, we see a truck carrying cat treats drive by, with the cat treats logo showing just over the fence that is the backdrop for the “Treats Anonymous” meeting, and all the cats immediately begin chasing after the truck like a pack of dogs.

Dr. Scholl’s No Mean Feet Ad (Proposed)

We see film from martial arts movies of people kicking people and things with their feet, causing injuries, breaking bones and objects, etc., and the announcer says: “Mean feet. Why are they mean? It’s because they’re uncomfortable! How do you expect feet suffering from pain and discomfort to be nice? But with a pair of Dr. Scholl’s Comfort Fit Orthotic Inserts, the pain goes away, leaving the feet feeling fabulous so they’ll be nice again.”

Dr. Scholl’s “Little Bit O Soul” Ad (Proposed)

This proposed (that is to say, “spec”) spot for Dr. Scholl’s comfort shoe inserts would use the classic song: “Little Bit O’ Soul” (by John Carter and Ken Lewis), but with altered lyrics to sing about how Dr. Scholl’s help aching feet feel better, like so:

Now when you’re feeling low ‘cause your shoes feel tight,

You need a pair o’ Dr. Scholl’s to put you right.

You feet are making you want to kneel and pray,

You need a pair o’ Dr. Scholl’s to come your way.

Now when your girl’s shoes are on, feet broke in two,

You need a pair o’ Dr. Scholl’s to see you through.

And when you raise the roof when in pain you bawl,

You’ll get a lot of relief with a pair o’ Dr. Scholl’s.

And when your party fails ‘cause your feet are hurtin’,

A pair o’ Dr. Scholl’s and for foot pain it’s curtains, yeah.

And when foot’s a mess and you feel like cryin’,

Just remember these Dr. Scholl’s of mine,

And as you walk through life on a pair of shoe’s soles, (on uncomfortable soles?)

Just remember that your feet need a pair o’ Dr. Scholl’s.

A pair o’ Dr. Scholl’s, yeah (A pair o’ Dr. Scholl’s).

(And as we hear this new version of the song singing about Dr. Scholl’s inserts for shoes, we’d see different people (one per pair of lyric lines) acting out what the lyrics sing about.)

Blasphemy Song

(The context for this song was supposed to be a sketch comedy piece featuring Martin Luther, the founder of Protestantism, being accosted by emissaries from the Vatican who accuse him of blasphemy and heresy in this joke version of the Bee Gees song: “Tragedy”.)

(To the tune of: “Tragedy” by the Bee Gees)

Here I lie,

In a purgatory all alone,

Held in time,

In a world of tears I’m on my own,

Can’t go on,

My spirit can’t seem to move on,

I really should be one with You, one with You,

But my beliefs aren’t true…

Blasphemy,

When the teaching’s wrong and you can’t go on,

It’s heresy,

When your faith’s not strong and your life seems wrong,

It’s hard to pray, with no one to guide you you’re going to hell.

Blasphemy,

When you lose your Pope and you got no hope,

It’s heresy,

When your faith won’t fly and you don’t know why,

It’s hard to pray, with no one to guide you you’re going to hell.

Night and day,

I’m burning down inside of hell,

Aaaaa, Burning flesh from my body I can’t help but smell,

Down I go,

And I’ve been condemned to rot alone,

I really should be one with You, one with You,

But my religion’s not true…

Blasphemy,

When the teaching’s wrong and you can’t go on,

It’s heresy,

When you worship wrong and God’s wrath’s strong,

It’s hard to pray, with no one to guide you you’re going to hell.

Blasphemy,

When you lose your soul and it takes its toll,

It’s heresy,

Through your mourning cries you still don’t know why,

It’s hard to pray, with no one to guide you you’re going to hell.

Aaaaaaaaaaaa!

(Thunder clap)

This is “Tragedy” by the Bee Gees:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lk0alJGhSp0

Advantage “Whole Lotta Shakin’ Goin’ On” Ad (Proposed)

While we hear the song: “Whole Lotta Shakin’ Goin’ On” plays in the background, we see the owner of a large dog, like a Rottweiler, a Black Lab, or a Golden Retriever, giving said dog a bath with flea & tick shampoo, and the dog keeps shaking off, with the dog’s owner trying to prevent the dog from shaking off each time but to no avail. And each time the dog shakes off, it sprays the flea and tick shampoo, suds and all, all over its owner, after which the dog’s owner gets another handful of the flea & tick shampoo and reapplies it to the wet dog, only to have the dog shake it all off again. And each time the dog shakes off, the owner gets covered in more and more of the flea & tick shampoo suds and foam, eventually making the owner look like a big pile of shaving cream or something, being covered with about 20 times more of the flea & tick shampoo than the dog ever has been throughout the whole process. Then the announcer says: “Do you find yourself covered in more flea & tick shampoo than your dog? Get out of your dog’s bath! Use Advantage instead! One application keeps even the most shaggy and outdoorsy dogs flea & tick free for a whole month!”

(BTW: This ad would also work very well using the Taylor Swift song: “Shake It Off”.)

Deodorant Nature’s Noses Ad Campaign

Deodorant “The Hills Have Noses” Ad (Joke/Proposed)

(Prior to the action we see the title of a movie appear onscreen: “The Hills Have Noses”.) Someone with bad body odor goes jogging along a path through a field that has rolling hills visible in the background. As the jogger jogs across the field, the hills make a sound indicating that they smell something awful, and each hill grows a pair of legs, stands up (with each hill shape standing up on a pair of skinny legs), and runs away into the distance, with the hills disappearing over the horizon. Then the jogger, having heard the yucky sound interjection and surmised it came from the hills, sees the hills get up and run away, and he/she surmises it is his/her body odor that is at issue here, and he/she leans his/her head over and smells his/her armpit and is so offended by the smell that his/her head jerks back involuntarily in disgust. Then the announcer chimes in, saying: “Does your body odor have the hills running for the hills? Don’t harm the environment, use (brand of deodorant)!”

Deodorant “Moving Mountains” Ad (Joke/Proposed)

In this continuing deodorant campaign spot we see a mountain climber begin to scale to rock face, and when he/she lifts his/her arms to climb, the mountain he/she is trying to climb smells the underarm odor and gets up and runs away from the mountain climber, followed by the surrounding mountains growing legs and running away. The mountain climber is left feeling disbelief and humiliation at this turn of events, and curious as to its cause, he/she leans his/her head down to sniff his/her armpit, and the aroma causes him/her to reflexively gag and then to faint. Then the announcer chimes is, saying: “Don’t give the (idiom of the) ability to move mountains a bad name! Use (brand of deodorant)!”

Deodorant “Flowing Upstream” Ad (Joke/Proposed)

A person is hiking through the countryside when they happen upon a stream or a small river, and upon seeing this, the hiker extends his/her arms out and says to himself/herself: “Wow, what a lovely location!” But with his/her arms outstretched in this manner his/her armpits are exposed, and the awful body odor is unleashed upon an unsuspecting world, causing the river water, which was flowing toward the person hiking, to reverse its flow and move upstream, away from our malodorous hero/heroine. And the water flows back upstream until there is no water left and our nature lover stands before a dry riverbed. Then the announcer says: “Does your body odor drive even flowing water away? Don’t pollute the nice country air, use (brand of deodorant)!”

Then, as a tag, we see the person who was hiking arrive at their home and go to take a shower, but when he/she steps into the shower, the shower water stream bends to avoid contact with him/her, flowing around his/her body to avoid contact and flowing directly into the drain below.

(This campaign would also work just as well for a mouthwash: Simply have the person out in the great outdoors take a deep breath and then exhale, and that causes the hills to run away, the mountain to faint and surrounding mountains to run away, and the river/stream to flow the upstream in opposite direction of the breath.)