Last week I was on Long Island, and I saw a sign along the
highway I was driving on saying the road had been adopted by Donald Trump. I
wonder how a highway feels when it finds out it was adopted. Does it wonder why
the government didn’t love it enough to keep it and care for it itself? Maybe
this issue is why many highways become full of potholes and get jammed up with
traffic: the highway is troubled by the revelation that it was adopted. And to
make matters worse, the highways finds out they’re adopted from a sign posted
on the side of their own roadway; no one even had the decency to tell them in
person (!).
But at least the highway I was driving on was adopted by
Donald Trump, so it will be the classiest highway in America, and perhaps will
be literally paved with gold. Maybe it will be renamed: “Trump Turnpike”, and
it will have tolls galore, or maybe mandatory slot machines at every exit, to
help pay for all the ritzy, blingy accouterments. After all, if we don’t have
to pay through the nose to drive on it, and it isn’t gaudy and glitzy to a
vulgar extreme, how are we supposed to know it’s a property controlled by, or related to, Donald Trump?
(I wonder if the other highways tease this one about having
been adopted by Donald Trump, and ask where its silly-looking poofy hair and overconfident
braggadocio demeanor are.)
