A fiftyish grandmother needs extra money to care for her
ailing husband, so she bakes treats like cookies, cakes, brownies, pies, etc.,
and sells them. But the food police/health bullies deem these items contraband
due to the obesity epidemic, and her business is repressed and harassed by the
government, which ties her up in red tape and tries to get her business shut
down on numerous trumped-up “violations” and purported crimes against children,
threatening her ability to pay medical bills and care for her sick spouse. So
she shuts down her legitimate business and goes underground, creating sinfully
delicious baked treats that are intentionally fattening which she then sells on
the black market, jacking up her sales and profit margin significantly and
tax-free due to not reporting her income so as to avoid being attacked and
smeared by the health bullies in the government. And so she becomes a baked
treat lord, smuggling her sweet and addictive treats into schools to predate on
the hunger and sweet-tooths of children, a naïve group of the citizenry
defenseless against the siren’s song of sugary sweetness.
And so the nation becomes ravaged with obesity and cavities
and an unpaid fortune in taxes simply because of the busybody prohibitionist
tendencies of our meddling government, who screwed things up already with the
failed prohibition of alcohol (Prohibition) and the failed prohibition on drugs
(The War on Drugs), but still try to ban everything they don’t like through
knee-jerk over-reactions and controlling behavior, repressing personal choice
in a supposedly free country.
Oh, and naturally everyone dies in the end, because the
Hollywood production code demands that anyone who partakes of scrumptious
edibles die a horrible death as a lesson to others, and our culinary
anti-heroine dies in a hail of bullets and a dusting of powdered sugar, because
even though guns are supposedly evil, at least they can prevent someone from
baking cookies, a far worse crime!
