Monday, June 1, 2015

Energizer Star Trek Ad (Proposed)

Captain Kirk, Mr. Spock, Dr. McCoy and a red shirt security guy beam down to a planet surface (one of those sparse sets with colored lights and big Styrofoam rocks) and immediately come under attack by the locals. They draw their phasers to defend themselves, but they don’t work properly, fizzling out after a few weak beams. Mr. Spock attempts to take a tricorder reading, but it does not function properly, so they’re at a loss to what’s going on and how many are ambushing them, etc. Captain Kirk calls the ship with his communicator, but he can barely hear Scotty, and it cuts out. Dr. McCoy says: “Dammit Jim, what the blazes is going on here?” Captain Kirk says: “Starfleet budget cuts. They replaced all of our Energizer batteries with cheap batteries.” Mr. Spock says: “It is illogical to risk reliable power merely to save money, for the cost in the end will be far greater than the savings.” Back on the ship in the transporter room, Mr. Scott says: “I can’t get a lock on them with those damn cheap batteries in their communicators!” Then we cut to and exterior shot of the Enterprise orbiting the planet, and we hear Captain Kirk’s voiceover say: “Captain’s Log, star date (whatever the star date is), we have beamed down to planet Xerbes and have met with an attack from the locals.” As he speaks, we hear the recording slowing down until it stops, when the recording device’s batteries die. Then the announcer says: “Energizer Batteries: don’t beam down without them!”

Then, as a tag, we cut back down to the planet, and Captain Kirk asks Dr. McCoy if his communicator works, and Dr. McCoy says: “It’s dead, Jim.”