Captain Kirk, Mr. Spock, Dr. McCoy and a red shirt security
guy beam down to a planet surface (one of those sparse sets with colored lights
and big Styrofoam rocks) and immediately come under attack by the locals. They
draw their phasers to defend themselves, but they don’t work properly, fizzling
out after a few weak beams. Mr. Spock attempts to take a tricorder reading, but
it does not function properly, so they’re at a loss to what’s going on and how
many are ambushing them, etc. Captain Kirk calls the ship with his
communicator, but he can barely hear Scotty, and it cuts out. Dr. McCoy says:
“Dammit Jim, what the blazes is going on here?” Captain Kirk says: “Starfleet
budget cuts. They replaced all of our Energizer batteries with cheap
batteries.” Mr. Spock says: “It is illogical to risk reliable power merely to
save money, for the cost in the end will be far greater than the savings.” Back
on the ship in the transporter room, Mr. Scott says: “I can’t get a lock on
them with those damn cheap batteries in their communicators!” Then we cut to and
exterior shot of the Enterprise orbiting the planet, and we hear Captain Kirk’s
voiceover say: “Captain’s Log, star date (whatever the star date is), we have
beamed down to planet Xerbes and have met with an attack from the locals.” As
he speaks, we hear the recording slowing down until it stops, when the
recording device’s batteries die. Then the announcer says: “Energizer
Batteries: don’t beam down without them!”
Then, as a tag, we cut back down to the planet, and Captain
Kirk asks Dr. McCoy if his communicator works, and Dr. McCoy says: “It’s dead,
Jim.”
