In watching a couple of old movie versions of A Christmas Carol, it strikes me how modestly Ebenezer Scrooge lives. Sure, he has his own apartment, but it’s hardly palatial, and there’s nary a sumptuous amenity to be seen. And so despite his purported miserly ways, I can’t help but think his business might not be all that it seems, and perhaps our supposedly miserly Mr. Scrooge is not so rich after all. (If he’s so rich, why does he live and work in such squalor?) And with that in mind, I think maybe it’s time for a sequel to A Christmas Carol so that we can see the economic effects of Mr. Scrooge’s newfound generosity upon his lifestyle.
So our story begins where A Christmas Carol left off: Ebenezer Scrooge has become a recklessly generous man, forgiving debts and splurging on presents and feast food for everyone. But then Christmas is over, and he has to go take care of his business. Well, as it turns out, Scrooge & Marley was barely breaking even (hence the miser shtick and the hesitancy to burn excess coal in the office), and since he’s broken the bank on gifts and destroyed his bottom line by forgiving debts all over the place, now his company is swimming in red ink, and it goes belly-up. And after declaring bankruptcy, Bob Cratchit loses his job, and his family gets evicted and starves to death in the street. Scrooge’s nephew has gotten married, but now that his job prospects have dried up, he gets dumped by his new bride and commits suicide. And as for Scrooge, he’s become a down-on-his-luck bum, and it seems everyone only remembers his miserly ways now that he’s down & out, forgetting his Christmas cheer (admittedly only lasting one day). And so, unable to pay his debts, Mr. Scrooge ends up in debtors’ prison for all his generosity.
And so the moral of our story is that you’ll always go broke being nice, so why not just be stingy? (Ayn Rand actually wrote this sequel as a stark lesson in rational self-interest, but she never published it. {Just kidding: I wrote it as a gallows-humor joke for Christmas.})
