Mad Max: Still Mad After All These Years

As we all know, there’s a new Mad Max coming out. They got Tom Hardy to play Mad Max, but I’m not sure why, because apparently it’s a sequel. So then why not just get Mel Gibson to do it? He’s mad too, so we’d totally believe his performace.

So here’s the idea for this stupid, um, I mean, uh, great, Mad Max sequel, called: Mad Max: Still Mad After All These Years:

It’s after the events of the first Mad Max movie, and like JJ Abrams and Star Trek, I don’t feel like watching the other movies, so it’s on an alternate timeline; and as we all know, bikers kill his wife, and then he kills them. But then he feels guilty about it, and he finds Jesus. So he becomes a devout Christian, and he gets remarried. But then bikers kill his wife again. But he’s a pious Christian, so he forgives them. So he gets married again, and bikers kill his wife again, but still he wants to be true to his faith, so he forgives them again. But then he keeps getting married, and bikers keep killing his wives, so eventually he gets mad and gets revenge. But by then he’s like 70-years-old, and the bikers are too. So they’re all grizzled and gray-haired, and the bikers pop Geritol (instead of intoxicating drugs), and they all go at it, and Max kills them all, and becomes a Buddhist afterwards (until Buddhist bikers kill his 10th wife, and then it’s on again).

And it would be directed by Clint Eastwood and sponsored by Viagra, with the slogan: “Be a hard man, like Mad Max.”

(All jokes aside, the idea of an old Mad Max movie would be really fun. Maybe he loses his home through some mortgage refinancing scam, and he goes after the white-collar criminals. Or maybe he loses his retirement to some Wall Street bank, and he goes to get revenge. Or he gets his identity stolen and his social security goes up in smoke, so he goes to smear the villains who did it. See? Fun.)