Don’t say things or act in ways that are “problematic”, or
else you’ll be sent to the “Problem Attic”, the prison for problematic behavior
and speech. And there you will stay, in the Problem Attic, until you have
thought about what you have done, felt crushing shame and humiliation, or at
least the burden of the punishment, and sufficiently publicly prostrated
yourself and self-flagellated to show you admit you were wrong when you so selfishly
and hurtfully exercised your constitutionally guaranteed right to free
expression, you villain, you.
The Problem Attic is an especially unpleasant prison, too,
as it is in an attic, and its walls are also a sloping ceiling, making the cell
a triangle shape that’s difficult to stand in, although people who have lived
in New York City, San Francisco or Paris will be used to it due to its
similarity in size and shape to many apartments in those cities. In fact, to
people from those cities, the Problem Attic may not seem like a punishment so
much as it seems like free housing.
