CNN reportedly plans to cease news reporting soon, finding it far easier to cover murder trials full-time. "Are you kidding? We're getting away with just doing live coverage of the same trial on both of our 24-hour news channels all day every day! That's a breeze compared to having to do actual international news reporting and investigative journalism!" said an unnamed CNN executive.
And once this current murder trial is over, if there isn't another sensational murder trial to cover, CNN will reportedly just have their show anchors murder people and then cover those trials. That way, they can simply kill two birds with one stone, and have the defendant reporting live from their own trial. "Hey, it's a win-win. And if any of them get convicted, we'll just get President Obama to pardon them. We've given him a lot of favorable coverage, so he owes us!" said the unidentified future 'Court News Network' executive.
