When I saw Jurassic
World for the first time, and I saw those little clear gyrosphere balls
those kids were riding around in, I thought: “Mmm! An annoying kid dinosaur gel
cap!” It’s like a vitamin for dinosaurs. I can see the ads now:
Hey dinosaurs! Get the Jurassic World Annoying Kid Dinosaur
Gel Caps! It’s all the nutrition you’d get from eating annoying kids, but
without smelling all that Axe Body Spray and soiled clothes, and without having
to hear that crappy music they’re listening to! Just swallow the gel cap whole,
and it will melt in your stomach lining, releasing all that nutrition right
into your system! Don’t wait; order yours today! (I think genetically modified
dinosaurs are intelligent enough to order products, right?)
(BTW: I love kids, and I don’t think they’re all annoying.
But the kids in the Jurassic Park
movie franchise certainly are. They always deserve to be eaten, and by their
own actions, and they get away with every wrong thing they do unscathed. What a
bad example that sets: you can get away with breaking all the rules and doing
the most dangerous, irresponsible things in any theme park, and if you’re
annoying or cute enough, you’ll be fine, live, and get away with it all. What a
horrible example to children! Once we get a real dinosaur theme park, all the kids will get eaten by breaking
all the safety rules and thinking they’re invincible because of the movie plots.)
