The Constitution specifically says that an American
president must be a natural born citizen. People are now debating what that
even means, given the fact that Ted Cruz, an obvious Canadian spy ops ringer
candidate, was born in Canada.
Well, it’s obvious what the Founding Fathers meant: no
cyborgs, no Terminators, no test tube babies, no Immaculate Conceptions, no
Virgin Births (like the last one, because of the Separation of Church and
State: duh), and no C-sections.
Hey, whatever on the list you don’t like, don’t blame me. I
don’t make the rules. So if you gave birth to the Antichrist, and it was a
C-section, and it was a Virgin Birth, don’t come crying to me. He can always be
a senator, governor, or a Supreme Court justice, or maybe a rock star or TV
host. Where else can that happen for your Lord of the Flies baby? America is
the land of opportunity, so don’t bitch to me about how your
Armageddon-starting Antichrist can’t start at the top. Teach your brat to earn
their way, you lazy devil-worshipping cultist mom. We’re not commies yet, you
know. It’s America: love it or leave it to corrupt some other society. I know
we have more wealth, and that money is the root of all evil, but if you want
your brat to lead us into damnation, you’ve got to give birth to him or her the
old-fashioned way. And no epidural, because that’s cheating. I have seen To the Devil a Daughter, and I can tell
from that silly movie that if you don’t suffer enough pain during childbirth,
Satan will be unpleased, and your plot won’t work. That’s why mine always fail
too. So learn from my mistakes, and do it right next time!
(Just kidding: I have not really tried it that many times.)
