I keep seeing ads on late night TV for some sex chat line
for the Internet or telephone called: “Live Links”. They show young, scantily
clad, ostensibly attractive young women acting all ‘come hither’ and such, and
they pretend they want some creep to talk dirty to them. (I wonder what their
therapy sessions will be like in 20 years. Or maybe they just get a good laugh
at the clients’ expense?)
So anyway, I was wondering why these sorts of services
almost exclusively seem to be biased to the general heteronormative clientele.
What about necrophiles? Where’s their dirty chat service? We all know there are
zombies everywhere nowadays thanks to whatever government experiment gone
wrong, and that this big zombie movie & TV show fad is a government-run
program to ease us into the idea of living together with ravenous zombies for
the inevitable security breach that leads to the zombies escaping and going on
the rampage, and what better way to make people okay with that eventuality than
exposure through sex chat services? Then many men, and fans of the series The Walking Dead, will actually long for
that day to come, and perhaps even seek to make it happen themselves, at which
point the government can simply say it’s not their fault: they had the
situation well in hand until the populace broke into their secret experimental
facility and let loose the plague of zombies upon an unsuspecting world, but
otherwise it was completely safe and they were doing it only to try to find
more realistic and lifelike zombies for when the government breaks into the
entertainment industry in a socialist takeover of the movie industry.
So with Dead Links, clients could log in or call in, and
talk dirty with some undead zombie, brought back to life in order to fulfill
all your secret desires. And with Dead Links, you know the objects of your
lust/affection are already dead, so they’re not going to tell anyone about all
your disgusting, disturbing perversions like the girls on other chat lines
always do/will, stalking you on Facebook and revealing your innermost weirdo to
your family and friends. Plus, when you ask a zombie to eat you, you know
they’ll really want to: no pretense there!
So come on and hook up to the dark side: Dead Links!
