We all know about the sugared horror-themed cereals based upon
classic horror movie characters, like Frankenberry, Count Chocula, Boo Berry,
Yummy Mummy and Fruit Brute. But you know, with the obesity epidemic and its
related health kick and food police, don’t you think it’s time for some healthy
horror cereals?
Hey moms and dads, want your horror kids to eat a healthy
breakfast? Then try our howlingly delicious healthy horror cereals!
Here are some proposed possibilities for healthy horror
cereals:
Bran Stoker (Yes, the vampire bran cereal, named after the
author of Dracula. It stokes your
bowels with high-powered bran cereal, shaped like fangs and bats!)
Flaxenstein (With a flax-themed Frankenstein monster
marketing mascot.)
The Wheat Wolf (Wolf shaped shredded wheat, marketed with a howling, wheat-woofing
werewolf.)
Clusters from the Black Lagoon (Dark-colored granola
clusters with a gill-man marketing mascot using them as fishing lures to catch
humans. Makes the milk turn black, for a Black Lagoon in every bowl!)
Fiber Fright (Its frightening fiber scares the crap out of
you!)
Ghost Grain (Haunted by the ghostest with the mostest
wholegrain!)
Monstrous Multigrain (Using a crew of classic monsters, like
the multiple monster mash movies of the 1940s)
Wheat Germ Warfare (Modern horrors abound with this battle
in your mouth! The milk causes the cereal to make rat-a-tat-tat sound like
machine guns. And the marketing mascots are mutated apocalyptic nuclear
warriors with gas masks on.)
