Superheroes sure are big business, but the further we go
into the obesity epidemic, the less relatable these muscle-bound super
exhibitionists are in their skintight Lycra body suits. How is anyone ever
going to be able to look like that anymore when there are KFC Double Down
sandwiches, Carl’s Jr. mega-burgers, $5 Footlongs, free crazy bread, etc.? And
if we can’t look like that anymore, then these superhero stories are just
fantasy, aren’t they? (I mean, super powers could happen realistically enough
with genetic engineering, robotics and computer implants, but Americans being
in shape anymore? I mean, come on! Who’s going to believe that?)
So how about a new breed of superhero people can really relate, and aspire, to? I mean a
real American superhero with an idealized physique to match: a big fat guy;
that’s what people want nowadays! (Right?)
So now is the time for Whale Man: obese superhero for the
age of the obesity epidemic! We’ve saved the whales, so now a whale is going to
save us: Whale Man!
Apart from being really large, his powers include a giant
robotic tail that smashes and flattens anything it swoops down upon, and he has
a blowhole that sprays out super high-pressure sticky goo to immobilize bad
guys.
Yes, America, there’s a new superhero for our future of
obesity: Whale Man!
