In this TV spot for the Microsoft Cortana, we see an iPhone
and a Nokia Lumia 635 running Cortana side-by-side, and the Cortana is
demonstrating what it can do that the iPhone can’t, and then Siri bemoans her
limitations and concludes of the phone with Cortana: “Now that is a smart phone.”
But it’s not really the phone that’s smart, is it? It’s
really the system on the phone. Because if the Nokia Lumia 635 is such a “smart
phone”, then how come it rips off that lame plastic colored shell from the
low-end iPhone 5c? And if the phone is so smart, how come it needs a Microsoft
feature on it to make it smart?
Oh, but if Cortana is so smart, then how come she sounds so
much like Siri that she is clearly ripped off from Siri? I’d think Siri ought
to say: “Hey, Cortana ripped me off!” And if Microsoft is so smart, how come
they haven’t designed their own phone? (They’re partnering with a company Apple
and Google almost put out of business.)
But this ad does say one thing to me very well: why doesn’t
Siri do that stuff yet? You’d think she would by now. So it was very smart for
Microsoft to take things that additional step. It’s just a shame they couldn’t
have come up with this voice aided phone idea themselves first rather than
copying, improving and then insulting the original one. Because if Microsoft is
so smart, then why didn’t they come up with smartphones and tablets first? (The
lesson here is: don’t insult the people whose products you’re copying, or else
people might wonder why you are copying their stuff.)
I’d have thought Microsoft might want to design Cortana, or
whatever personal assistant function, to be different enough from Siri that we
don’t all immediately think: “Oh, it’s Microsoft’s Siri ripoff.” But I guess
there’s only so much you can do with a computerized voice using human voice
recordings to string sentences together (until Apple develops a new system
everyone rips off later).
And hey, Microsoft (and Apple): How come women are always
the support position? There should be a man’s voice obeying our commands,
and the female voice should give us
commands, you sexist patriarchal tech companies! (Actually, I’m only kidding,
but there must be some people out there who are really thinking this. But there
should be voice options for both genders for these computer voice thingies,
just so everyone can choose what’s right for them.)
Here’s the copycat computerized communication commercial:
(The funny thing here is that the ad I saw on TV is exactly
the same as this as the one I’m attaching here, except that the shell of the
Nokia is lime green in the TV spot, while this one has a white shell. I guess
white on white doesn’t show up as well on TV. But then why is the iPhone white?)
Oh, and by the way, Apple: why can’t Siri do this stuff yet? Or are you guys too busy working on
the next big thing that will completely change the way we all live and work,
after which other companies will slightly improve on it here and there and brag
about how smart they are?
