I Lash is not only her name,
but also what she does (!). She has mutated DNA that gives her not only
incredibly thick and long eyelashes, but also the ability to use them like
tentacles to lash people (and things) with them as though they were a cat o’
nine tails multi-strand whip. So with one eye’s eyelashes, she can grab onto
and immobilize her victim, and with the other eye’s eyelashes, she can attack
and flog them.
But what really makes her eyelashes into deadly weapons is using Illegal
Length Mascara by Maybelline! Maybe she’s born with it; maybe it’s a genetic
mutation; maybe it’s a crime against humanity; maybe it’s Maybelline!
Oh, but not only does she use
Maybelline’s Illegal Length Mascara, but it’s also what created her (!!), for her mother used Maybelline’s Illegal Length
Mascara while she was pregnant with her, and the mascara fused with her own
eyelashes to mutate her DNA and to alter and evolve the genetic structure of
her fetus, who, when delivered was born with fantastic, appendage-like eyelashes.
(That’s why it’s “Illegal”: it makes those who use it into genetic mutants and
their children even more powerful and beautiful than anyone ever has been
before {!!!}).
Growing up, other girls were
jealous of her beautiful long eyelashes, so much so that they were vicious to
her. But while she hid her super-powered eyelash abilities from her peers,
eventually she was driven past the breaking point by envious bullying, and thus
a super villain was born: I Lash, the mighty, the beautiful, the vengeful!
If only everyone celebrated
her lovely eyelashes: then she would have been a superhero, using her eyelashes only for good! But it’s too late now, and
she only wants to have beautiful revenge on an uncaring world.
And this would be an
advertisement for Maybelline Illegal Length Mascara, but with the obvious
disclaimer that not everyone has this result from using the product (although
obviously most people probably will).
