Friday, November 18, 2016

Partisoff: The Medication to Control Partisanship

Suffering because your side lost an election? Frustrated because you hate your fellow Americans so much over partisanship and politics? Well, your life is about to get better, because now there’s Partisoff: the medication that helps diminish partisanship!

Here’s how it works: It mellows you out like Valium, and it combines that with a proprietary drug that blocks your brain’s ability to watch biased news programs and Super PAC ads, listen to hateful political talk radio, and travel to political rallies.

Yes, with Partisoff, a new life of happiness and contentment awaits you, free from the frustration you feel about election results, policy positions, and from the anger, hostility and vindictiveness you would otherwise feel toward political opponents!

That’s Partisoff: Ask your doctor today is Partisoff is right for you. (If you are wearing a “Dump Trump” T-shirt, or a “Make America Great Again” hat, you are required by law to take this medication.)

(Just kidding everyone! It’s only meant in fun, just like our partisan politics are!)