Friday, November 4, 2016

Slayer Paper Towels Joke Ad

Slayer’s great album South of Heaven ends with the song: “Spill the Blood”, with the words: “You spill the blood, Eternal soul!” But I thought it might make for a fun paper towel commercial to have some horror movie Satanic sacrifice scene, and the Satanists sacrifice someone, and the blood gets everywhere, and Slayer sings: “You spilled the blood, Now clean it up!” And then we get the pitch from the ad spokesman that nothing cleans up spilled blood like (whatever brand of paper towels). And then we see the group of Satanists cleaning up after their sacrifice with that brand of paper towels, the preferred brand of Satanists everywhere.

Here’s Slayer playing: “Spill the Blood”:

The brand of paper towels Satanists prefer could be called: Pentagram Paper Towels. “True Satanists use Pentagram Paper Towels for their after-sacrifice cleanup! No other brand soaks up blood like Pentagram Paper Towels: They’re truly blood-thirsty! And they leave surfaces so clean, they sparkle, just like the Lord of Light himself: Lucifer! Satan will only accept (or smile upon) a sacrifice cleaned up afterwards with Pentagram Paper Towels!

Only Pentagram Paper Towels have a pentagram printed in blood on the top and bottom of every roll! Don’t accept cheap imitations, there’s only one Pentagram Paper Towels! Ask for it by name at fine grocers and occult shops near you!