On Real Time with Bill
Maher, Gavin Newsom* said we’re losing a species to extinction every 20
minutes nowadays. But how do the animals keep to that schedule? Every 20 minutes another species goes
extinct? How are they organizing this?
It seems like a logistical nightmare to have to make a
different species go extinct every 20 minutes. Why don’t they just wait and go
extinct three at a time every hour? Wouldn’t that be easier to remember? Or how
about a group of them just wait and go extinct together every day? That
wouldn’t be such a rigorous schedule. Because, you know, if one species misses
going extinct on the 20 minute mark, that screws up the whole thing, and then
nobody can go extinct in the proper order anymore: what a hassle!
And you know, I didn’t know animals were smart enough to
hold to such a tight interspecies schedule for accomplishing anything, never
mind going extinct on time one by one every 20 minutes. In fact, this seems
fishy to me somehow. Are we sure the government isn’t secretly behind this?
No, think about it: what other group has the resources to
carry out such a systematic logistical extinction schedule aside from the
government? I think it’s clear the government is behind the extinction
schedule, and I guess all so they can guilt trip us about conservation.
Actually, on second thought, I’m not so sure our government
could pull off something this complicated in a competent manner. Maybe the
government is not guilty after all. But let’s blame them anyway, okay?
* BTW: Gavin, you’ve got my vote for governor when you run!
