(A.U.N.T. = Armed Undercover National Treasury Unit)
A movie of The Man from U.N.C.L.E. is coming out soon. But aren’t we all tired of the patriarchal oppression of action movies? Where’s The Woman from A.U.N.T.? That’s the movie I want to see!
So in The Woman from A.U.N.T., Zoë Saldana and Rooney Mara (or Kate Mara) would work together to infiltrate terrorist networks using counterfeit money to pay for weapons and intelligence, busting key players, turning smaller ones to informant (or else: ass whoopin’ on camera sent to their bosses via social media!), and foiling terrorist plots. Plus, because they’re Treasury agents, they also work Secret Service jobs when all the men get caught with hookers and drugs (provided by drug cartel terrorist liaison operatives to leave our president vulnerable to assassination attempts) and the president still needs protecting in a danger zone. (<And because they’re the super specialist squad, the would-be assassins end up wishing they’d never been born and beg to be beaten up by the entire team of disgraced male Secret Service agents instead!)
And, of course, all the machoest men in the secretest services of our government are gaga about our heroines from A.U.N.T., but our heroines have no time for such trifles beyond the odd fling when they’re bored. (And they collect engagement rings by the bushel: men propose, hand them a ring, they say: “No, but thanks,” and they keep the rings stacked up on their bedposts.)
Plus, because they’re Treasury operatives, they’re always super flushed with cash. And they always get to keep all the counterfeit money they confiscate to spend in danger zones around the world for their rest & recreation whenever they want.
Who wouldn’t want to see that? But, just to gild the lily, Kate Beckinsale is their boss, and we get to see flashbacks during the movie of Kate’s heyday kicking ass and taking names back when she was in their job!
That’s The Woman from A.U.N.T.: Coming soon to a theater near you to smash the glass action ceiling! (<If there’s any justice/gender equality in Hollywood.)
