Anyone who is a news junkie knows who Glenn Beck is. He is patriotism itself, if you’ve been watching his show, that is. He is a human flag pin! Many people say many things about him, but if there is one thing you can definitely say about Glenn Beck, it’s that he loves the Founding Fathers. But he’s not gay, don’t get the wrong idea: after all he’s a conservative, and a family man! (Okay, I know that sometimes that’s been a dead giveaway that they actually are gay; but really, that’s only Evangelists and Congressmen. As far as I know, Glenn Beck is dead butch.) So what’s his secret dream? (You know… his wet dream?) With all of the boundless love he feels for America and the Founding Fathers, what kind of passionately patriotic dream would that produce? I know! I’ve known for a while, but now I feel I have to tell you too, because this is America; and you have a right to know! Well, that, and after being sued over a Freedom of Information Act request for access to this dream, I can no longer legally keep it to myself or I will be in contempt of court. Okay, so what’s Glenn Beck’s wet dream? You know, I thought you’d never ask! (But are you sure you’re really ready for it?) Well it’s this:
Glenn Beck’s Wet Dream (Sponsored by Goldline): Glenn Beck having sex with Betsy Ross on the very first American flag, while George Washington, Benjamin Franklin, and Thomas Jefferson look on and give him the “thumbs up”!
See? Wasn’t it worth all the build-up? I knew you’d think so. But it’s not really complete until some adult video company gives it to us in a real movie version. Maybe they could even comp in his real live head like the Tonight Show always does when they paste Jay Leno’s head on top of some gyrating dancer’s body or something. Hell, maybe we could even get them to do it! In fact, I’d say it’s their patriotic duty to do it! But that’s okay, if they don’t love America enough…
