Friday, March 11, 2011

Things I've heard...

Oil companies are fighting back against electric cars like the Chevy Volt and the Nissan Leaf, claiming they are being used to “shock the monkey”. Soon PeTA may lobby to have them banned.

The same women who used to throw their underwear up on stage at Rolling Stones concerts in the 1960s are now throwing Depends undergarments on stage. That’s a good thing, because from the looks of them, those guys could use them.

It is a little-known fact that the “F” in F. Scott Fitzgerald actually stands for “Fuckin’”. Yes, he was named Francis Scott Key Fitzgerald, but because he grew up with constant taunts from classmates singing the Star Spangled Banner all out of tune (like we see so often at sporting events) whenever they found out what his name was, he decided to go for an edgy, cool re-branding by calling himself Fuckin’ Scott Fitzgerald. (Hey, it was the Jazz Age, after all: you know, the “Roaring 20s”.) Unfortunately for him, the morals of the day would not allow him to do so. They wouldn’t even let him call himself F’n Scott Fitzgerald. He had to be just F. Scott Fitzgerald. That’s why he became an alcoholic: out of frustration. Well, that, and every time he heard the Star Spangled Banner mangled at a baseball game or whatever, he sank into a deep depression, remembering the teasing of his youth. So remember, unless you want your child changing their name to profanity, lobby for tough anti-bullying laws!