Since the beginning of the Fukushima Dai-ichi nuclear power plant crisis in Japan, our ever-vigilant news media has been making a point of trying to get everyone all panicked about all the nuclear power plants here in the United States that are evilly lurking, waiting for their opportunity to strike! I wasn’t worried before, since we can clearly see from watching The Simpsons that nuclear power plants aren’t that picky about how they’re run, and you can always drop all the glowing green radioactive sticks and goo anywhere you like and nothing ever goes wrong. Okay, well maybe you’ll get a three-eyed fish once in a blue moon, but you get my drift. And since cartoons have never steered me wrong before, I’m still not afraid. And this is where the news media comes in: they can sense my lack of fear, so they are trying to heap on the threats by showing maps of where all the nuclear power plants are in the United States, how old they are, and in what states of disrepair they might be in. This is very helpful for the lazy terrorist. There must be tons of unemployed potential terrorists in the world without the inspiration to try to find stuff on the internet or in libraries. That’s why these maps the news networks put up on the TV are so helpful. They’re just trying to make it easier for the unmotivated terrorist to think of somewhere to attack. The news people are smart, so they must know that this information can be very dangerous to just broadcast to the whole world. So let’s give them the credit they deserve for helping our enemies: Thanks, guys!
