Everybody knows that sharks are jerks. Just look at this headline for a story about yet another shark attack: “Shark bites Cancun tourist in surf despite warning”. See? Yes, I know that they have to eat and stuff, but look at that headline! The shark was warned not to bite the tourist, but did it listen? No! Actually, it is my belief that the shark knew better, but once it was told not to do it, it just couldn’t resist biting the tourist simply because it was told not to. We all know that what’s forbidden sometimes holds an allure that stuff we’re allowed to do does not. Look at Prohibition: once they outlawed drinking alcohol, everybody started doing it. I think the same is also the case with the drug war: legalize drugs, and all of a sudden they wouldn’t be as cool. So what does this prove? Well, for one thing, it’s probably a teenage shark. It was probably even wearing an “I’m with stupid” t-shirt so that the arrow was pointing at the bite victim while they were being bitten: it’s obviously a snarky shark. I think there’s only one way to deal with this sort of problem: that’s right, we’re going to have to call the shark’s parents and tell on it. Then it will be grounded, and it won’t be able to attack anyone else for a while.
Actually, scratch that last part! I just saw again (I can’t believe I’d forgotten about it!!) an ad for Snickers that proves that they are to blame for the shark attack! It’s still running on TV, so you can see it too. It shows a group of sharks being interviewed about which attack victims tasted best, and then they reveal that the best-tasting one ate a Snickers. Well, now they’ve done it. Now all sharks are going to think that we’re all going to taste way better than usual because of Snickers, so there will be way more shark attacks than ever before. And even if they find that we’re not any better-tasting than usual, they will keep on trying, remembering how much more delicious we are promised to be if we’d had a Snickers to eat. I mean, how long could it take for them to find someone who has eaten a Snickers? It could be the very next person they bite! So they’ll just keep on trying. This is just the beginning: mark my words!
Want to see the ad that proves that Snickers caused the shark attack? It’s at:
Want to read the article? It’s at:
